Enemy at the gates-W.I.S.E. Project 2017

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It feels like I have been absent here for awhile and honestly I have.  With the political climate the way that it currently is; coupled with the unfortunate divide it is causing, it has consumed a great deal of my head space, enough that I felt that it best to not write anything that would come across the wrong way. I never wanted this to be a political space, but I have always intended it for a place for me to be honest and open and share my experiences.

The reason I blog, especially with The W.I.S.E. project is that it keeps me accountable to living mindfully, being gracious and taking opportunities to create joy in my life. Whether one person or 50 read a post I am still accountable to myself to practice what I preach.

I did say at the first of the month that the W.I.S.E. principles that I wanted to incorporate were wisdom, integrity, sincerity and empathy. There could not be a better time in our lives to embrace these qualities. In the past several years I have been impacted by the importance of sharing our stories and embracing our wholeness. Not only is there is an acceptance in sharing our stories, there is freedom and community. When we accept who we are, our entire story, not just the good parts but the dark parts as well, we are acknowledging that our stories have shaped us and helped us to grow. We find that all of the sudden that our dark secrets can no longer be used as weapons against us but maybe as a door that invites people to find comfort and connection in our stories and to share their stories as well. There is wisdom in stories and though we may differ immensely there are similarities that unite our hearts and our minds. Though we perceive things differently, there is intelligence and knowledge in stories that cannot be bought. When people share their narratives, wrought with integrity and sincerity both the storyteller and the listener have an opportunity to grow. When we receive stories with an open heart and an open mind, we allow them to touch our souls; we are then able to respond with empathy instead of judgement.

We are who we are, but we are constantly changing and growing. Maturity, experience, incidents and circumstances change. According to quantum biology we experience a 98% cellular rejuvenation each year so we are literally constantly changing. If we open our minds and our hearts to stories, to possibilities and to ideas ‘who we are’ will change. That is growth.

How many times have we said such phrases that start with:

’I would never’ or ‘if that happened to me’, or ‘can you imagine?’

The issue with those statements is that there are some situations that we cannot truthfully predict or imagine until we find ourselves right in the middle of them.  This type of rhetoric lacks four very important things; wisdom, integrity, sincerity and empathy.

I have quoted this saying by the Dalai Lama many times but it could not be more relevant,

 “Love and compassion are necessities,not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”

The world is a scary place. The world is a beautiful place. The world is a place of constant change.

Those three phrases have one common denominator; they are all based on perception. I can tell you what to look at but I cannot tell you what to see.

Now more than ever in my lifetime, we are led to believe that there is an enemy at the gates. In that line up as well is fear, bias, judgement and indifference. The best way to face fear and indifference is with love, patience, empathy, sincerity, integrity and wisdom.

An “Us vs. Them” mindset is dangerous. Fear and division does not create positive change.

We are one. Only egos, beliefs and fear separate us.

I just feel that if we focus on promoting love instead of hate and focus on our similarities instead of our differences the world around us would be a better place. We do not have to agree on everything that would be ridiculous and boring. We should however extend more kindness, understanding and respect.

Is empathy the basis for building bridges to connect people, to understanding the motivations and fears of others and gaining a varied perspective? Can practicing empathy allow us to see the world in greater definition not just from our own perspectives but through the perception of others?

I think so.

“The story is a machine for empathy. In contrast to logic or reason, a story is about emotion that gets staged over a sequence of dramatic moments, so you empathize with the characters without really thinking about it too much. It is a really powerful tool for imagining yourself in other people’s situations”.

~ Ira Glass

I am (W.I.S.E. Project 2017)

You can accomplish anything and everything, as Nature does, effortlessly, just by Being – the world will offer itself to you, for it has no choice. –Deepak Chopra

 

Last week I had the extreme honor of meeting Deepak Chopka. I know that some of you do not know who that is; my own mother didn’t have a clue. As a thought leader Deepak and his books emerged for me as the “answers” to all of the questions I sought when I decided to live mindfully. I am very well aware that some of you make a conscious effort to dislike shiny, happy people but Deepkak might appeal even to the likes of you. He is quiet and humble, he is equally unmoved by criticism and flattery and he is an extremely intelligent and thought provoking leader in science and medicine. Even if you want to hate us Pollyanna types that try to get you to look at the world in a new way, Deepak can back up with science all of the reasons why you should be looking at the world and your own life in a different way.

 

About Deepak-

Deepak Chopra MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation and co-founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation, and is Board Certified in Internal Medicine, Endocrinology and Metabolism.  He is a Fellow of the American College of Physicians, Clinical Professor at UCSD Medical School, Researcher, Neurology and Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH), and a member of the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists. The World Post and The Huffington Post global internet survey ranked Chopra #17 influential thinker in the world and #1 in Medicine. Deepak Chopra is the author of more than 85 books translated into over 43 languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. www.deepakchopra.com

I found out on a Tuesday that Deepak was doing a talk in Edmonton about the future of well being. Five minutes prior I had finished his book Quantum Healing on my Audible App. Since Facebook, Google and our brains are all somehow wirelessly connected it is no wonder that the sponsored post for the Children’s Autism Services of Edmonton Fundraiser featuring Deepak turned up in my suggested posts immediately. It was the next afternoon that I definitively decided to go. I shared the post on my Facebook wall fishing to see if anyone I knew was interested in going but nobody immediately took the bait. I decided that I was one hundred percent not going to miss the opportunity. I chose to do the VIP meet and greet so I could meet this man with the brilliant mind and get a nice picture for my Instagram of course.

I had a couple of friends encourage me to go solo, reminding me that I was likely to get a lot out of the experience by meeting like minded people. That is exactly what happened. A lot of people were there on their own accord as it is the type of event that if you do not follow his work, you are not likely to spend the money just to have a night out but if you do, you are not likely to miss out because you do not have someone to hold your hand.

It was a very informative evening and the energy in the room was amazing. People who follow the work of Deepak Chopra are enlightened, open minded and mindful people so I was in very good company (in case you were worried)

One of my friends suggested that perhaps Tupac was now living as Deepak Chopra which gave me a bit of a giggle, being a huge fan of the late Rapper, producer, actor and poet. Even my Mom knows who Tupac is!!! I yelled Tupac loudly and he flinched so it is a possibility.

Deepak’s talk on the future of well being was incredible but for me the most thought provoking park of the evening was doing a Deepak guided meditation with 900 other people. I am guessing that the majority of those people have loving and energetic hearts, alert and reflective minds and they understand and practice empathy and compassion. I can tell you that it is a much different experience than being in a social media thread with thoughtless and closed minded individuals. Having the opportunity to mediate, guided by one of the World’s top thought leaders, side by side with forward thinking, intelligent and genuine people was a moving experience to say the least.

At the beginning of the mediation Deepak had us chant in our heads “I am” and our full name.

“I am Michelle DeBay, I am Michelle DeBay, I am Michelle DeBay.

He did not instruct us to breath in a particular way, just to be aware of our breath. He told us to think of our heart and be aware of it.

After several minutes had passed he instructed us to drop our last names and chant silently.

“I am Michelle, I am Michelle, I am Michelle, I am Michelle…”

He reminded us to quietly be aware of our breath and our thoughts.

After several more minutes he had us drop our name altogether.

“I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am….”

It felt very powerful and he told us to be aware of our thoughts and to just let them come.

“I am a love warrior, I am powerful, I am kind, I am a leader, I am wise, I am compassionate….”

Those are some of the thoughts that rushed to my mind in the calm yet enthusiastic room.

After several minutes he told us to think of our childhood memories and to just let the thoughts come naturally.

The room was hushed. My heart was smiling. Some really fun memories came to mind.

After the meditation I felt physically, mentally and spiritually unburdened. The incredible lightness of being.

Deepak; who is direct, in a calm and non egotistical or sentimental way, mentioned Donald Trump a couple of times during the evening. His references were rather open-ended, draw your own conclusion remarks but their belief systems are not aligned and he makes no secret of that fact.

He told us that during the mediation when we chanted our full name that we were tied to our gender, our origins and in some cases our ethnicity and religion. When we dropped off our last name we freed ourselves of some of those ties. When we dropped off our name altogether we freed ourselves to any sort of ties that weighed us down. We became a whole person.

A person of the universe.

“I am the universe.” I said to myself, clutching my signed pre-release copy of Deepak’s new book about discovering your cosmic self.

He reiterated what most of us are already aware of, so much of our identity is tied up in stuff that we never had any control of. We spend a lifetime defending things that were decided before our birth; our gender, our race, our ethnicity, and in a lot of cases our religion. There are many scientific reasons to explain how at the core we are all the same. These things unite us. Unfortunately we are living in a time where hate and fear creates division. If we were able to see beyond the things that make us different and focus on our similarities and our relationship to the universe we might be able to embrace others in a kinder, gentler way.

Sadly we find ourselves in a time where fear breeds hatred and instead of our differences being celebrated, they are condemned. I am pleased to say that I am at a time in my life that I feel awake to the realities of the world and how I fit into it all. I find now more than ever people want to share their fear with me, their hatred, their bigotry, as if they are offering to save me from myself. A peaceful world is only possible if we interact with each other as peaceful, loving beings, one individual at a time. If we can teach just one person the importance of peace and love through our own harmonious and impassioned actions than we have made a difference. If we can be taught to hate, we can be shown how to love.

Generations of creative and enduring people have torn down walls and fought for the freedoms we often take for granted. Now is not the time for silence.

Once the fabric of a just society is undone, it takes generations to weave it back together. ~Deepak Chopra

I wrote this because the internet pissed me off -true story!!

avhnbuz

I never considered myself the Political type but in Elementary school a couple of friends and I started the school newspaper. That was the beginning of my freelance ‘not for profit’ writing career. I had a passion for getting the right messages out to the people in my grade school. I later went on to be a part of an elite group of young, like minded lunch club geeks that met in the storage room behind my grade six teachers class. We were a forward-thinking group of pre-teens sharing ideas while huddled (hiding) on the floor of a storage room among old books and broken staplers. Fast forward to Junior High and a whole new world. My friends and I organized a walk out to protest the ‘no shorts’ rule in school. When the bell rang for second period a large group of us marched out of the school with a passion and a purpose. The thrill of that early political rising was rather hard to top and I am quite sure my political musings came to a screeching halt.

I will admit that during my party years I knew very little about politics and cared even less. I was casually dating a  smart Italian man that was very immersed in politics and it was something he took great pride in. I on the other hand was very interested in other things such as myself, partying, my friends and partying with my friends. To be fair I was also interested in him, he was a brilliant young entrepreneur, tremendously charming, he had a repertoire of thousands of jokes and he was truly fun to be around when I was not hanging out and/or partying with my friends. One night he called me around ten p.m. and asked me if I wanted to go for a drink. He said he had already eaten with some chic named Shari but he would happily buy me dinner if I was hungry. Due to our schedules it was not unusual for us to meet up later in the evening, I know you are all thinking it but too polite to say… ‘booty call!’ Let us not forget a couple very important things, it was not the middle of the night and neither of us was drunk, he was a gentleman and bought dinner always and we were two self-respecting adults who were not shackled to each other we just liked and respected each other and made time for each other when we had time; if that all makes sense. However, I was quite annoyed by being asked to go for drinks after he had dinner with some Shari girl. It just didn’t sit with me at all so I declined and closed the conversation very quickly. The next day at work one of our regular customers who just happened to be a friend of my captivating Italian, he had introduced us in fact, asked if I had seen him in the paper? There he was at dinner with none other than Jean Charest.

Jean James Charest, PC was the 29th Premier of Quebec, from 2003 to 2012. He was the Deputy Prime Minister of Canada from June 25, 1993, until November 4, 1993. Charest was the leader of the federal Progressive Conservative Party of Canada from 1993 to 1998, and was the leader of the Quebec Liberal Party from 1998 to 2012. My cute Italian was working on a political campaign with him. He was quite excited about it and I recalled him talking about it avidly on numerous occasions while I recited French nursey rhymes in my head to pass the time. I never admitted to him my confusion over the whole thing because he was still holding onto the illusion that I was his intellectual equal and far be it for me to burst his bubble. He probably just assumed that I was in bed with pimple cream on my face and unshaven legs and we would get together another time. That is definitely a time in my life that I was very far removed from politics.

To this day I admit that politics is not a subject I am passionate or educated about but when I had children I subscribed to the notion, along with many other Canadians that it is my responsibility to exercise my right to vote, and to do that in an intelligent way you have to know at least a little about politics. Politicians are savvy though so it is very easy to be taken in by grandiose ideas and platforms that over promise and under deliver, that however is for another post. Let me just say that I believe that if we want a government that is for the people and by the people we have to be the people, we have to vote because every vote counts and we have to do our part to be involved in our communities as change starts in our backyards.

I wrote my first letter to a politician when I was almost 30, it was to Stephen Harper. There were two attempted abductions in Edmonton within two days, one little girl got free the other was drugged, assaulted and left at a truck stop hours away. The man that was arrested was a sex offender that had been released into the community with a warning that he was at a high risk to reoffend. The parents at the townhouse complex where he resided had no idea that a predator was living amongst them, they felt safe and secure in their neighborhood. There were two schools within a stone’s throw. I wrote a heartfelt letter to our then prime minister pleading for him to make true on his promise to toughen the laws and penalties for child offenders. I even asked how I as a citizen could get involved. I was fairly new to Edmonton, I had young girls, I felt scared and wanted a way that I could do something to not feel helpless. Anyways I never got a response, not even a typed form letter response from a staff member signed by Harper. I remained disgruntled for the entire duration of his service and I hated that the lipstick they put on him for press conferences so closely resembled my very berry signature shade. I did try to join Little Warriors as a volunteer but it was way too much for my delicate soul. I desperately wanted to help but at the same time I have to admit that my heart could not handle the depth of damage that was being done to our children across Canada and the short sentences for offenses and high risk offenders being released into family friendly communities. It was all too much. However, I did educate my children, I did take steps to keep them safe and make sure that they were busy with activities instead of hanging out where I could not oversee them. My oldest was about eight years old and quite dramatic like me so every time a car slowed down she was sure she was getting kidnapped. I was fully aware that I could be with my kids 98% of the time and something could still happen to them but I did my best to be a good mom and take care of educating them on how to be safe. It wasn’t a huge step but it was a step.

 

I feel quite blessed to live in one of the safest countries in the world. One that holds women and children in fairly high esteem. My city is racially diverse and has a proud LGBQT community. Our Prime Minister has nice hair and he is pro-women, pro-gay, pro-Muslim and though he is certainly struggling to use his power in a way that benefits all Canadians I believe that he truly cares about all of the groups of people that make up this great Country, no matter their race, gender, sexual orientation or religious beliefs.

That being said in my city people still use the word nigger to express their dislike of law abiding, contributing members of society as they walk down the street, A young boy at my daughter’s work was screamed at by a white woman because she refused to be served by a terrorist. Gay people are beat up, bullied and judged. Women fear walking at night by themselves and young girls are being sold into human trafficking right here in my city. It is happening in your city too, right under your nose. A woman in Calgary got raped and during the trial she was continually referred to as the defendant by the judge, the even shittier thing is that she was, she was essentially put on trial for allowing herself to get raped. The judge brought up her sexual history, her clothing, how much alcohol she consumed and even had the audacity to ask if she tried to keep her knees together. Unfortunately, it is all too common. We are expected to teach our children how not to get raped. If they get raped, we drag them through the mud and victimize them even more. A young Nova Scotia teen named Rehtaeh Parsons was drunk and passed out at a party while guys had sex with her and took pictures. There was even a picture of her throwing up out the bedroom window yet consent was still questioned. The pictures circulated around her school and her parents moved but the pictures followed her. Ultimately the young soul tragically took her own life. The families of the boys continued to harass the girl’s family and to sling mud. Christie Blanchard of the National Post, who by the way describes herself as a woman but I think identifies more as a disgusting sewer rat published a scathing piece in the National Post attacking the family, dredging up really ridiculous things including an Aunt’s bankruptcy and questioning the young girls character and whether she wanted sex because after all she was at a party drinking so she must have wanted it. Every girl who drinks at a party with horny guys must secretly be wanting sex. It was even suggested that she wanted it but got embarrassed after the pictures were passed around. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?????????? I don’t know about you but I do not feel the least bit sexy when I am throwing up out a window. Should we talk about all of the missing and murdered native women? OH YEAH WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT. Shhhh. We are Canada, the true North strong and free and like our good friends in the U.S. of A we have it pretty damn good, so good in fact that we should think of the people in other countries facing things such as genital mutilation, honor killings, arranged marriages and no voting rights. We should be grateful and shut the fuck up!! We have it good enough and we should NEVER, EVER dare want, ask or fight for more.

Women before us fought for the freedoms we have today, I do not think they intended for us to ever give up fighting. Gay teenagers like my own daughter faced bullying and ridicule to just simply be who they are, they are taking steps towards acceptance and inclusivity and they want you to suit up and be a part of the fight. I have a friend; Angie Reid in the transgender community that is fighting every single day and blazing a trail for people like my nephew who never ever felt like he belonged in a female body. The work has just begun my friend. I have a Facebook friend Jesse Liscombe that founded the #makeitawkward campaign. It is his resistance to the racism he has faced, he wants to make a difference for every man, woman and child that has felt the sting of racism. His fight is just beginning and I know he wants us to fight alongside him. My youngest daughter has many Muslim friends who love Canada and call it their home. Yes, they differ in their beliefs but fundamentally they are the same. They bleed, they ache, they love, they laugh. Muslims are terrorists and the terrorists are Muslim have two VERY different meanings. My daughter has Muslim friends that gave her Christmas gifts. They don’t celebrate Christmas but they cared enough to give her a gift from their hearts and their parents supported it. It was a beautiful gesture! Racism is taught, kids are not born racist. You know what isn’t beautiful?  The thought that their families that live in the U.S. may need to register as Muslim citizens under the reign of the newly elected 45th President of the United States. That is fucked up!

Yesterday on the first day after the inauguration of President Trump Women in many countries across the world marched in solidarity because they fear losing their rights and freedoms, they fear for their Muslim neighbors, they fear for their health care, they fear for minorities. Their new President is not Pro-women, he is not Pro-Muslim, He is not Pro-gay, he wants to build a wall and kick the Mexicans out. He screams fake news while providing you with fake news. I believe it is called alternative facts now but that is another story altogether. He manipulates the media and if he cannot sway the media to his favor he does his best to discredit them. It is really scary. There was a point in the election that it felt like a bad joke and it seemed so unlikely that he would get elected as president and when he did people all over the world collectively sighed. This is a man that starts Twitter wars with anyone who does not agree with him and he has the codes to the damn Nukes!! He has a very weird bromance with Putin which is cause for a great deal of unease. He promises to finally put the power back into the hands of the American people and I get it, that sounds really good. Especially to the people that were hit the hardest by the economic downturn. I totally get that you just want to feed your families and not struggle to pay your bills. You want the jobs to stay in america go to Americans. Nobody can fault you for that! I wonder how confident you feel that Trump has given so much power to his Texas Oil Tycoon buddies. That really  does not sound like there will be much power left to turn over to you; the great people of America.

Now I know that a lot of you said it wasn’t your March and that is fine. It doesn’t have to be, but the people that marched with their Mothers, sisters, children, husbands, brothers and grandmothers should be applauded. You say “I will not be a victim” I cannot quite wrap my head around what makes someone exercising their rights and freedoms, fighting for equality and marching in solidarity with other like minded individuals;  victims? These people got up and out, they got on their feet and refused to be victims!!  These people are warriors, leading a resistance and advocating for change, supporting one another. Many people marched for their own personal agenda, just as many marched to give a voice to those that couldn’t. Wage equality, healthcare, racism, sexism, segregation, division…those are just a handful of the things that people marched for.

I know a lot of you saw it as a temper tantrum and you are entitled to that opinion, but a government that has any hope of being by the people and for the people requires that the people rise and use their voices. A country that stands idly by when they feel that their way of life is being threatened is not a country that will be “great again”.

As a woman, I must say there is something about women standing together and empowering each other that gets me in the feels. Women supporting women has not always been my experience, especially in the important teen years when I was developing a sense of self. As a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a daughter, a sister and a friend I am pretty damn proud of the woman I have become. As a woman, even in Canada I have faced some challenges. I know that many of you think that Trump being taken to task for the “grab em by the pussy” comment is ridiculous. Have you ever been grabbed by the pussy? At 14 years old everyday while waiting for the bus this guy who was a grade or two ahead of me used to try to touch my bum and my breasts everyday, one day he chased me up the road on my way home and stuck his hand down my pants. It became so degrading that I tried to talk to the school but nothing was done, it was kind of shrugged off as a boys will be boys type of thing. I never told my family, my dad and two brothers probably would not have taken the situation lightly. I have kept my distance from this guy since Junior High but a friend of mine dated him in her early twenties. He never grew out of this entitled behavior and when they broke up he harassed her really bad, even going as far as threatening her family and posting naked pictures of her online. You don’t really grow out of that mentality. Some of you may argue that why would Donald Trump need to perpetuate that attitude now that he holds the highest office in the greatest country in the World? That is the attitude that he holds towards women, they are his for the taking, he now has a great deal of power so I am not sure why we should assume that he would all of the sudden develop a better respect and understanding of women. On his agenda is to abolish funds to Planned Parenthood, citing that the U.S.A. is funding the killing of babies. Being a man with zero understanding or compassion for women and certainly no research about the not for profit organization I guess that is a reasonable assumption. I guess it is easy to disregard the sexual education Planned Parenthood provides to at risk youth, the birth control it provides free of charge to people that would need to go without, the advocacy, the pre and postnatal care to people who could otherwise not afford it. The STD testing for the young teenage girl that was raped while walking home from her part time job or the abortion to the young mother that will not survive the birth of her baby due to medical reasons. It is not black and white.

What about the people of the LGBQT community that just want to love who they love? A certain amount of progress was made under the Obama administration but will it be taken away? What about funding for people with disabilities; the most vulnerable of all the US citizens?

I feel very privileged in my life. I am a survivor of sexual assault not a victim of it. It is not something I discuss with people over lunch but it something I have tried very hard to come to terms with.I fought gender stereotypes and went head to head with men who refused to respect me and asked to speak to “the man in charge”, I learned how to be my own champion and to champion for others who are not that strong yet. In past relationships I was made to feel like I had to stay because I couldn’t do it on my own. Well guess what? I did.

Those women, men and children of all religions, of all races and all social economic backgrounds that marched all over the world, you marched for women like me and I thank you. It was very much my march. Many of my friends share similar stories to mine. We clawed our way back from adversity.

What does it mean and did it make a difference? I think every man, woman and child that marched yesterday feels changed somehow. They feel supported and hopeful. Standing together for the most marginalized of us all was a bold message to the new administration, a step towards change, unification and equality for all. Relationships were formed, and resolve was strengthened.

If I took anything from.this March is the knowledge that no we do not have to accept the things we cannot change when we can work to change the things we can longer accept.

I am a warrior. I know it, I feel it and I embrace it. I am enough but being treated better than women in ‘most countries’ will never be enough. We can do better.

A typical human being is made up of 7 billion billion billion molecules so essentially we are all the same, deserving of equal rights and freedoms, regardless of our race, religion or gender.

Going to Carolina-W.I.S.E. Project 2017

Deepanshu Arora -Moraine Lake Banff

It has been so bitter cold here the last couple of days, here is Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and though we are fairly used to the winter cold here in the great white north it has been more than cold. It has been exceptionally way below freezing temperatures all week and the wind chill is so intense that it feels like the cold has icily embraced your bones. It is not very motivating to say the least and hot showers, fuzzy blankets and good books have been my evening reprieve. 

 Today I was listening to James Taylor’s Going to Carolina in my mind and literally trying to get my mind to take me somewhere warmer.

On Sunday I went for a float. I have been floating for over a year now so I am kind of a professional as floating goes. This basically means that I am experienced in the art of doing nothing and laugh all you want but I am pretty damn proud of this fact. No joke, discovering sensory deprivation has been a wonderfully serene addition to my life. I still struggle on a daily basis with trying to fill my brain with way too much stuff. I get excited about something and I want to jam all of this new information into my brain as fast as possible and often I get overwhelmed. I used to be that mom that went to bed at midnight but at 2 am I was still making my grocery lists, planning my schedule around the girl’s activities, calculating bills and making endless to do lists in my head. To those of you that can’t sit on the toilet without reading the back of the shampoo bottle I can relate. We have hardwired ourselves to constantly receive and process information and nowadays with social media our brains are busier than ever. We are excessively over stimulated. We do not know boredom and we certainly do not know what to do with silence. We crave silence yet the moment we get a taste of it we spit it out and sprinkle it with noise to make it palatable, or at least what we perceive to be most familiar.

I started meditating last January and though I do not always practice it daily as I would like to, it taught me how to find the beauty in silence. Silence benefits our well being in countless ways with abundant advantages to our physical and emotional well being. I often do a guided sleep meditation at night or a five minute mindfulness mediation in the middle of my work day. Mediating was a great benefit to me the first time I entered a float tank because though my mind wanted desperately to crowd the
silent space with thought I was quite quickly able to resist. 

The float tank expedites theta waves so it is doing some of the work for you already by taking the stimulation away.

Theta brain waves are the brain state of REM sleep (dreams), hypnosis, lucid dreaming and barely conscious state just before sleeping and after waking.

If you truly want to experience getting away from it all I highly recommend floating. The solution unlike bath water is very dense, in fact approximately five times denser than the Dead Sea. It is mainly Epsom salt, it feels silky smooth  against your skin and you are effortlessly buoyant. You are literally floating in the darkness with no outside disturbances. When you don’t have the pressure of gravity on your body and you are not responding to stimulus (such as email and texts, noise of traffic etc) your blood pressure decreases and your cortisol levels drop (those are your stress hormones). Your mind and your body are experiencing a state of total freedom, you cannot feel the water and you are quite literally in the optimal environment to experience complete relaxation. There is an eventual increase in your endorphins which I am sure you all know is your happy hormones. We all want more of those, more is good!!

When I said I am now a professional floater you all either snickered or rolled your eyes but let me explain my excitement about how skilled I have become at doing nothing. My last float I was able to relax quite quickly. I don’t eat within 2 hours of a float; I may grab an apple if it is in the morning and some water to hydrate but nothing that is going to be hard to digest and no coffee to stimulate my mind. I start by clearing my mind with a short meditation and moving my body around languidly
in the warm water. Within minutes I had drifted off and I was in the middle of a lake in the mountains. The water was neither warm nor cold, I couldn’t feel it at all, as if my body was totally one with it and I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. I felt indisputably blissful. Above me the clear sky was the most magnificent shade of dark navy blue littered by an explosion of endless stars and decorated by magical spiraling flares of electric green clasped by hints of pink and deep violet that seemed to erupt from the mountain peaks in a
miraculously enchanting way. It was the esteemed Aurora Borealis in a way that I had never experienced before. I was captivated by the mystic beauty of it and moved almost to the point of tears. The peaks of the mountains surrounded the lake in a protective hug and I felt untroubled and safe. I have no recollection of the amount of time that passed as I lay suspended in virtual reality in that picturesque mountain oasis enjoying the Northen lights. 

It is such a hard thing to put into words, anything I write seems slightly inadequate, but as I sit here thinking about it I am once again overwhelmed by the memory. 

The gentle music that plays as your float time is ending startled me awake and I had that feeling of falling slowly from heaven and when my eyes shot open I  thought I was still in the middle of the lake but all of the sudden I was keenly aware of the darkness. It was unnerving for a second until my mind caught up with my body and I realized where I was. For the remainder of the day I felt weightless, like I was floating through my day without a worry.

I have wanted to recount this experience for awhile but I really didn’t know how in the world I would do it justice without sounding like I was floating on LSD. I was divinely at ease and I was able to experience something in that state
that was as exquisite as it was memorable. I will never forget and though I know that I can never recreate that exact experience I am really excited to know how far my mind will allow me to go in the future. For days after I would think about that wondrous place in the mountains and when I opened up my computer there it was on my home screen; Moraine Lake in Banff, Valley of the Ten Peaks. I am in love. Swoon.

So needless to say if you have ever considered floating, or even if you have never heard of floating, you should. It is the ultimate way to hit the physical and mental reset button and to find the beautiful and powerful healing energy
of silence.

I float at Modern Gravity here in Edmonton and it is a pretty unique place. They have actual float rooms instead of pods so if you are worried about feeling claustrophobic there is no need. The atmosphere is comfortably calming and the rainfall showers are such a nice treat. Floating is a gift that you give yourself that requires zero effort for substantial gain.

Modern Gravity, Edmonton Alberta

There are many things you can do to ease stress and recalibrate your body and mind, Floating is a very good choice. 

Be W.I.S.E. friends. 

Good Vibrations-W.I.S.E. Project 2017

I’m back.

 

I have been gone from here for almost a month and though I thought about you often I had committed to spending some quiet time with my family and though wonderful, enlightening and sometimes hilarious thoughts ran through my mind, I was way to relaxed to form complete thoughts and put them in black and white.

For those of you that celebrate the holidays I hope they were wonderful. I had a quiet and relaxing holiday with my family but we are well into the new year now and I have a feeling it is going to be a good one. Whatever may be and however it ends up-good or bad, it will happen and I will either be swept along or I will lead the way so hold on…

While I was writing my last W.I.S.E. Project Post in December I was feeling a little bit of uncertainty about where to go from there but I got a lot out of the project and if nothing else it is a reminder to seek happiness and joy in every single day and that does require effort from me. I can get easily overwhelmed by the world, media, politics, sensationalism and my own first world problems. Seeking reasons to be happy has been good for me and something I hope to continue always.

A very important thing that emerged for me during the 2016 project was energy. I would like to think that I possess good energy and I quickly began to discern the things and the people that energize me and the experiences and people that are constantly in the withdrawal line taking my energy and depleting my balances without adding anything meaningful to my life.

I have believed for some time that our physical body is just one small part of our being, and I also believe that our physical body could not exist without the spiritual life force that perpetually guides it. The different parts of our bodies, energetic and physical are coupled together and effort as one, exchanging energies with the environment.

I know, I know, some of you are reading this and wondering what kind of hippy dippy mumbo jumbo I am trying to sell you. I am not trying to market anything at all, I am simply sharing with you that I am learning more about life force energy and how it connects our mind, body and spirit and how I can use that knowledge to lead a better life.

Last weekend I took my daughter and her friends to the trampoline park. I was sitting on a sofa in the corner reading an enriching article and a Muslim woman asked me if she could sit down. I have to admit, on a glance I am often quick to assume that a Muslim woman and I would have nothing in common, but that is not always the case. This particular lady was full of good energy and her eyes sparkled with it. She had a beautiful little boy with the most stunning brown eyes and he had dumped nacho cheese all over her, him and the floor and she was attempting to clean it up. She chatted amicably to me as she did and her beautiful boy charmed me with his almond shaped eyes and his magnetic smile. The minute they left I went back to my article and if there wasn’t a smile on my face there was one in my heart. A moment later two ladies came and sat on the sofa beside me, there was plenty of room but I felt immediately crowded. The energy had shifted quickly. The ladies were close to my age and they were talking about their friends in a very gossipy and malicious manner. They were reading private messages aloud from their texts and Facebook and making comments calling their “so called” friends idiots and stupid. It made me extremely uncomfortable to the point that I had to bite my tongue and refrain from telling them how horrible their behavior was. Their kids came over as they were out of breath and needed a break. One of the women was quick to shout at her son to “go away, stop pissing me off. You only have an hour so go play and stop wasting my goddamn money!” The kid told his mom that he needed to catch his breath and she continued more of the same tone and talk to make certain he stayed away from her. The other mom seemed to agree with her friend but quietly told her son to just walk around if he needed a break. When the kids walked away the one woman continued on her rant, calling her son a ‘fucking idiot’. At this point I felt like I was going to explode and I wavered between saying something and minding my own business.  Ultimately I decided to mind my own business but I was affected by it. The most vocal woman suggested they download Tinder ‘to make fun of people’. The other woman asked why she had been on Tinder (a hook up site) when they had both been married for years and she replied that it was ‘fun to check people out and make fun of them’

As appalled as I was later that evening I was contemplating the times in my life that I had been that unhappy that I spent my free time with people I thought were friends, gossiping about other friends.I am sorry I was ever that person, but I was. Maybe not to that degree but I certainly was guilty of sharing secrets, breaking trusts and talking about people that I called friends behind their backs. I don’t ever want to be that person again. We are all guilty of a little bit of mindless chatter, I am not perfect and neither are you but I like to think that for the most part if you are my friend I try to have the best of intentions and I hope you will do the same for me.

Misery loves company, people that are unhappy take solace in the fact the others are unhappy too. Unhappy people share their unhappiness in the way of bad energy the same way that happy people share their good energy. It would be impossible to never be affected by negative energy, it is like getting a cold…you didn’t want it, you didn’t ask for it, but you have it all the same. There are precautions you can take to not get a cold. You can wash your hands frequently, you can refrain from shaking hands with someone who has a cold, don’t share drinks. In the same token you can take steps to make sure that the majority of the energy that you exchange is good energy and you will find that the more good energy you put out into the world, the more you will get back.

I actually just had a discussion with my boss today about how last year I started spending a lot of time by myself, I wasn’t even joining my coworkers for lunch. I needed to take a step back and find myself in the silence and sort out my own energy and find a way to be sympathetic to the stories and problems of others without taking them upon my shoulders. It was something that I had to do to heal myself and I feel really good about it. When I was learning to distinguish between good and bad energy I spent more time with my family and my dogs. I got my energy from the sun, the grass and the trees instead of noisy, crowded places.

I have been feeling inspired to further research energy and learn more about how our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellness are all affected by the functioning of our energetic body. I know that there are many different ways you can look after your energy and there is one that has always fascinated me and that is Reiki. Many years ago I had a Reiki treatment and it was such an intensely energizing and healing experience that the memory stayed with me. I have been trying to get my husband to go for a Reiki treatment so that he can let go of some of the negative energy that weighs him down. He has tried Energy massage that works with chakra balancing and he thought is was a positive experience. I decided to explore the universal life force that is Reiki on my own as a means for personal growth and to keep myself in optimal mental and emotional health. I am pleased to say that I have obtained my Reiki level 1 and I plan to continue through the levels and hopefully in the future I can attend workshops and do some practicum and maybe share the gift of Reiki with others.

I have some other fun stuff that I am working on but I am trying not to overload my brain. I do have a tendency to get really excited about things and take on too much and then I feel stressed and lose interest. I will keep you updated on my journey and I really hope that if any of you are excited about something you are learning or you are engaged in a new activity  this year you will share it with me.

One thing I decided too do a little differently is alter the W.I.S.E. Principles. I think they were really good to keep me focused during the beginning of the project last year but focusing on them took me away from my initial pursuit to be more mindful and find joy in the present.

Instead I would like to use the W.I.S.E. acronym to describe myself or an aspect of my personality that I am proud of and elaborate on that somewhat throughout the month. You can creatively choose your own.

The W.I.S.E. project will continue to be a way of life, a means to focus mindfully on the moment, to invite abundance into my life by being grateful and to invite joy into my life by being present. Breath in-be present, breath out-be free!

A couple attributes I came up with quickly are Warrior, I am actually doing a Warrior goddess course and I think that without knowing many of us are warriors, I am insightful, I do not remember dates or facts or history the way some people do but I am intelligent and I am often keenly intuitive. I am strong, I know this without a shadow of a doubt, I think it is common for people to be fearful and doubt their strength but once you know…you know! I am eager, always eager to be better and to learn new things and to love the people I love with my whole heart.

W-Warrior

I-Insightful

S-Strong

E-Eager

Be W.I.S.E. friends!

 

 

 

All You Need is love-W.I.S.E project 2016

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Artist unknown

I am an just ordinary girl in an extraordinary world but I set out at the beginning of this year wanting to paint my surroundings in bold and vibrant colors and live a life full of joy. Truthfully I know I am not ordinary, I always knew. Even back when I was nine years old sitting on the old wooden step at my country home with a notepad and a pencil and imagining all the wonderful things that I could put on that page…I knew. Somehow with time and circumstance I lost myself or perhaps I gave pieces of me away and I never really got them back. Today I call myself a work in progress but I have reunited my mind with my soul and it is a much nicer place to be.

Thanks so much to the universe for keeping me on my toes with your constant challenges this year. I would like to believe that I have passed all of the damn tests and that we are about done with this nonsense. I “womaned” up! My warrior spirit cannot and will not be broken. I am tired though and never mind that I have been insanely tired since 1999,  the complete mental drain of the past several months has left me a new kind of tired that I didn’t even know existed and no matter how many weekends I spend in my pajamas, curled up in fuzzy blankets the feeling has not been alleviated.

My husband and I realized last night that he has been gone for eight of the last twelve months. His struggle with depression and being away from his family and my struggle to try to be more compassionate than I am hurt and lonely has definitely changed us.  Had I  not began this little project I started  almost a year ago and made a conscious effort to live mindfully and seek joy and be grateful I really am not sure who I would be right now.  Some days were torturous. The loneliness, the uncertainty and the longing has been difficult, but mingled with all of that has been a sense of gratitude for what I have and the people that I love and those that love me unconditionally.

In short, I think the project has been a huge success.  Focusing on the present instead of the past or the future is really difficult and takes a lot of practice and though I am not a master by any stretch of the imagination I have made leaps and bounds. Had I not learned to be mindful and practice meditation I would not have been able to sleep at night through these demanding times and the insomnia would have rendered me useless.  I have a job, a family and three beautiful pets that depend on me so I occasionally need to sleep.

I cry and I feel sadness but I also know that I have the capacity to feel immense joy and I  do. I have learned a great deal about gratitude and how it reciprocates.  You will never live a life of abundance until you learn to express gratitude for the great gifts that you already have. I have learned how creativity and purpose in life bring me a great deal of joy. I have learned that the right connections with the right people can energize me and in the same token that time spent on the wrong things with the wrong people can suck the life out of me.  I am responsible for the energy that I put out into the world and eventually I will attract the right people into my life.

I have learned that the wonders of the world are not just places; they can be things that we often take for granted such as touch, sound, smell and sight. The significance of these things may habitually go unnoticed but I guarantee you that it is these little things that you will miss the most if they are suddenly taken away. There were eight months this year that I missed the sound of my husbands voice, the touch of his hand, the smell of him after a shower or the sight of him after a long day. There are days I would have traded anything for just one of those things.

We often look at things without actually seeing them, without appreciating them and we put value on the wrong things.  The sunrise and the sunset are miracles that we see everyday and sometimes we fail to realize their worth or truly appreciate their beauty, the same as we take people for granted because we assume they will always be there. We stop noticing how bright their smile is or how they are always there when we need them.

We undervalue traits such as courage, compassion and curiosity and what would the world be without them?

We think of forgiveness and vulnerability as weaknesses instead of the huge strengths that they are. Having the courage to forgive someone, sometimes even ourselves can be so important. To not forgive, to hold unto negative feelings of hurt and shame can be an enormous deterrent to living a good life. Having compassion for others can help us see the world in a whole different light. I actually dislike the dictionary definition of compassion because it refers to it as sympathetic pity, nobody wants to be pitied, but we could all use a little kindness and concern, a little understanding instead of judgement and someone who genuinely cares for us and our situation.

Humanity needs love and compassion for survival yet we have been treating these things like luxuries instead of needs.  The Beatles told us many years ago that all we need is love.

Generosity, patience and love will take you further than money, education or social stature.

I have learned about the anatomy of trust and how important it can be to set boundaries.     Brené Brown describes trust as BRAVING in a wonderfully authentic way and I think that everyone can learn something valuable from her.

What have I learned about myself?

I have learned that I am a warrior and I will fight for the people I love and the things I believe in until there is no fight left in me. I am an eternal optimist but not in a fairy tale romanticized way. I know there is a lot of bad in the world but I genuinely believe that the world can be better and I know that there is goodness and light in me and if I can affect one person with it that is change.  I have learned that I like myself and that is way more important than worrying about who does and doesn’t like me. The most important thing that I can do for me is to be true to myself and honor my wants and needs and not try to change myself to fit into a box that was not built for me.

My December W.I.S.E. Principles are wonderful, invincible, shining and expressive.  You may interpret these any way you see fit but for me I want to enjoy the most WONDERFUL time of the year with my family. I already know that I am invincible and Christmas will not defeat me. I have learned the importance of time this year and I am elevating that above everything else. I will not be taken in or conquered by commercialism or the need to fill a space under a tree instead of a space in my heart.  I want to be a shining example for my children about the real spirit of Christmas so that one day they can share the same spirit with their family. The most precious gifts we can give each other can never be bought, only given. I want to be able to express my love, my excitement and my joy. I want to express my gratitude and my feelings about the true meaning of Christmas and one day when my kids look back I want them to remember the time and the love that I gave them, not the time I spent at the mall buying them things. My Christmas wish for all of you is that no matter how many gifts you give or receive that you continue to be grateful for the gifts that you already have and that you realize that those who give you nothing but their time are giving you the most precious gift of all.  All we need is love, love for ourselves, love for others, and love for the world we live in.

“I have found that if you love life, it will love you back”

~Arthur Rubenstein

 

Happiness doesn’t happen by accident

I discovered a lot of amazing people on the internet this year, I never found them before because I was not looking for reasons to be grateful and happy. It is phenomenal the things you will discover when you commit to gratitude and living a more joyful life.

 

Beautiful Day-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

Charlie Chaplin wrote a poem about self love in which he states “When I began to love myself I stopped stealing my own time and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. I have always felt happiest when I am making a contribution but I think at some point I started equating my self worth with how busy I was and how much I was contributing to the lives of others. Some days my biggest contribution is playing a game with my kids or cuddling with my dogs and that is OK.

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“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

The snow is falling softly outside my window to the tune of the little drummer boy and my heart is full of so much joy, love and gratitude. Despite the many obstacles I have been faced with the past several months I am feeling warm and full of the real spirit of Christmas.
I remember a moment last week when I was so overcome with sadness that I wondered if there was such thing as a happiness plateau? Do we manage to only create so much happiness and then we just flat line? Even as I contemplated the question I knew the answer. We can only be as happy as we choose to be and the wall that I had hit I had constructed myself with pain and fear and guilt. How can I be any happier when others are suffering? My future is so uncertain so I should be afraid instead of joyful? I am hurting so how can I still be happy? These are the messages that my heart sends to my brain to keep me just happy enough. It is my cross to bear, my mountain to climb, my plateau to surpass.
I have learned so many wonderful things this year and as I reflect on the past eleven months I cannot help but feel that despite the difficult times and uphill battles I have continued to grow as a person. I spent a lot of time by myself, I got to know me again and I took care of me when times got tough. I feel like the W.I.S.E. Principles were a good guideline, they especially helped me in the beginning months of the project when I needed something to focus on other than the bad news that filters through our TV, social media and Facebook everyday.
I think one of the biggest successes for me with this project was recognizing the importance of self love. Charlie Chaplin wrote a poem about self love in which he states “When I began to love myself I stopped stealing my own time and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.”

I have always felt happiest when I am making a contribution but I think at some point I started equating my self worth with how busy I was and how much I was contributing to the lives of others. Some days my biggest contribution is playing a game with my kids or cuddling with my dogs and that is OK.
Chaplin goes on to say “Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
I love this so much, it makes my heart smile.
When you make an honest and firm decision to live mindfully and create a life that brings you joy, it is essential that you prepare to simplify. You may need to limit your exposure to media, certain friends or family members, reconsider your busy schedule and really focus on things that make you feel good.
Things do not look exactly how I expected them to look at this point in the project but to be honest I think they look exactly how they are supposed too. There is always going to be something to overcome, there will be hard times and tears. If your focus is a happy life, no matter what you face you will face it and you will be your own kind of happy. You will find the lesson in pain and you will face each day with grace and gratitude because the only way to invite abundance into your life is to be grateful for what you already have.
Because this is a project it is only fair that I tell you what I have found are the top ten things to creating a happier life.
Sharing-When we share a smile, our time, a kindness or a compliment it activates the pleasure area of your brain. Kind and unselfish actions release endorphin’s in the brain that not only boost happiness for us but also for the stranger we smiled at on the bus or the person we held a door for at the bank. It is one of many simple changes you can make that will make a huge difference in every day. You may need to remind yourself at first to make a small change each day but after awhile this will come naturally.
Improving Relationships– our relationships can be a source of great pleasure and immeasurable pain. Some relationships take more good out of you than they ever give and you need to determine whether they are healthy for you and worth it. Living a good life has a great deal to do with the people we surround ourselves with so making improvements in our relationships, setting boundaries and sharing with and supporting our loved ones is important. it is OK to express our wants and needs but it is also important that we are willing to take a deep look at ourselves and make some changes to promote growth in our most important relationships.
Energy– People and experiences can give us energy or draw it from us. We often are given what we seek in life so if we seek happiness and joy we are often attracted to people that are happy and joyful. You will start to recognize the people that give you energy and those that drain you. Dedicating a lot of time to people that are negative, attention seeking and miserable can be physically and emotionally draining. Some people, like me, draw energy from quiet times alone or with my loved ones and I am drawn to people who not only do good in the world but they seek out good as well. Everything from the shows we watch on TV to the people we follow on social media can add our subtract from our good energy.

Nature
-Nature will always give you the answers you seek. A breath of crisp mountain air, the sound of crashing waves, birdsong, trees swaying in the summer breeze, these are all things that can calm and rejuvenate us. We crave these things and often we need to get out of our head and get outside and find a little solace in the great outdoors.
Gratitude-No matter what difficulties we face in our daily lives we always have plenty to be grateful for. Nothing invites abundance into our lives more than being grateful for what we already have. People who are truly grateful for their life, for the people in it, for the sun that greets them in the morning and the moon that lulls them to sleep each night are among the happiest people in the world even when times get tough.
Science/Faith-We all have circumstances and environmental issues that work against us, even our genes which we have no control over can play a factor in our happiness but it is important to always remember that at least 40% of our happiness is intentional and that means we have complete control over it. For me, studying the science behind happiness gave me permission to be in the driver’s seat of my own life, knowing with certainty that my intentions could and would help create the experience I wanted. Faith-I lumped faith in with science and I realize some of you will not like that but I am not going to talk about religion. For many, their religion and their faith is something they are very vocal about. For me it is very personal and as I continue to grow so does my faith. I think it is important to have something to believe in and to trust, to be thankful for in times of abundance and to draw strength from in times of hardship. No matter who or what you pray to I think it is a wonderfully joyous thing to have faith!
Head of the class– We never stop being a student. If we are open to new ideas and we seek opportunities to learn and stay engaged in our lives we trigger a lifelong curiosity and our accomplishments and the knowledge gained help to boost our confidence, self awareness and overall well being. With the internet at our fingertips we have such amazing opportunities to filter through the crap we often accept as fact and commit to real learning and growing as a person.
Indomitable Spirit– We cannot always determine what life will bring us but we can be responsible for the attitude we bring into our lives. We cannot live a life free of pain or circumstance but if we learn from our pain, learn to sit with discomfort and take the lesson from it we will be amazed at how enduring and strong we are. We have the heart of a warrior and though we may be knocked down occasionally the only thing that can hold us down is our own attitude.
Accepting who you are and where you are in life– Emotions like happiness, joy, gratitude and love are the gifts that keep on giving. Though we cannot always control our circumstances and the curve balls life throws at us just when things are going well, we can work hard to take the good out of every situation because those positive feelings I mentioned above are the gateway to a spring of positive emotions. We have to be willing to accept who we are and where we are in life without comparing our lives and accomplishments against those of others. It is a skewed and damaging measuring stick. What we see on the surface and through social media can often paint a distorted view into the lives of others. It is a very small window to a much larger picture. Accepting where we are in life is a very important part of being mindful. If we are focused on the past or on the future we lose sight of the present moment which is so precious and the only thing that is available to us.
Control-people who have a sense of control over their life are the happiest and this can be a little misleading because there is so much of our lives we cannot control but you can do the things you do with purpose and meaning, whether that is being a parent, a friend or an employee. Do what you choose to do in a way you are proud of and develop a sense of who you are, knowing that there will always be another mountain to climb and knowing with certainty that you have the strength and the grace to climb it and continue to grow as a person. You will continue to grow and change every single day, you are not the same as you were yesterday and because you are in control of your life you know that this time next year you will not be the same as today. You are in control!

In the next couple of days I will post the principles for the final month of the W.I.S.E. Project 2016 and some thoughts as we head into the holiday season. Be W.I.S.E. friends.

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

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