Game Called life

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I had one of those days. Not only am I sick to death of Miley videos, jokes, references, tweets, and innuendo, as well as devastated by the events happening in Syria I have had my own personal struggles in the form of a hormonal teenage daughter, a truck that won’t start and a husband that is hours away for the next ten days. All things considered I know that I have it so much better than a lot of people. My husband may be away but he offered to drive home to my rescue. For those of you who know me, you are aware that as much as I may think I want to be rescued it would make me feel weak and needy. I have the most wonderful friends that jumped at the chance to come to my rescue and gave me something I didn’t even know I needed. A moment to breathe, to laugh, to share a glass of wine with friends. A moment to feel like it was OK to be something other then a wife and a mother. Sometimes I need to just be me. Also, my teenage daughter really is amazing. However, she is sometimes an emotional ball of hormones that she doesn’t quite know how to handle and we are trying so hard to navigate a neatly painted line somewhere in-between crying and screaming. I am trying hard to raise a smart, capable and accountable young lady in a world full of entitled youth of Generation “I”

Recently I have been faced with that all too familiar struggle of trying to split 200% of myself between all the things that matter in my life. When one thing requires more attention I seem to lose my balance and the balls I am juggling come crashing down. I stand tall against whatever I am faced with in life but sometimes I feel like I am inevitably going to fall.

I know that a lot of people feel how I am feeling right now. Wondering how they can be everything they need to be to the people in their lives and still have enough left over for themselves. I know how important it is to take time for myself. If I were to give advice to any of my friends I would most definitely tell them that they are the most important person in their lives and they need to make the time for themselves. Giving advice is always the easy part.

It has been fifteen months since I quit my job to stay at home. My biggest fear was losing myself, being insignificant and dependent. I think my family has absolutely benefited from me being home but often I feel I am spending way too much time trying to convince them that I am not a maid. I am an involved parent, sometimes to the point that I am not the wife I would like to be or a good friend to myself. I am still figuring it all out. I don’t strive for perfection, just quiet imperfection and happiness. I pray sometimes and I still wish on stars.

My goal is laugh more, to steal time for myself to do the things that are important to me, to say no to things that I don’t have time for and that add stress that I don’t need. I want to experience the moment without worry or anticipation of the next. I want to be present and accounted for in my own life. I want to learn from my mistakes without holding myself in constant judgment. I want to expect less of people but quietly encourage more. I want to abandon the idea of who I think I should be and be the person I know I can be. I want to love more, and forgive things that weigh me down.

Here I go….wish me luck as I continue to play my hand at this game called life!

P.S. I also need to make more time for wine!!

Game Called Life (The Big C Main Title) by Leftover Cuties

It’s so hard to turn your life over
Step out of your comfort zone
It’s so hard to choose one direction
When your future is unknown
Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.
Are we, are we all really slaves?
By the hands of ourselves
id I really make all of those mistakes?
Am I really getting older?Then why do I feel so lost?
Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.
And at the end of the road, is there someone waiting?
Do I get a medal for surviving this long?
Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.
Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.

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Bad Day

I had a bad day. I simply wasn’t feeling well and everything seemed like a chore, especially going to the grocery store when I got in my truck and it wouldn’t start. Hubby was on his way back up North when I frantically called him to turn around. Damsel in distress. Damn fuses!! Thanks to my honey I was back on the road in minutes.

I spent $109 at the grocery store and came home without the cat food I went for. I have determined the cat eats too much. My cat is odd and she only likes me. I am her person. It is truly tiring being someones everything but in all honesty I can see why she picked me. She is however not beneath sucking up to others when she wants food and Haley  has been trying to win her affection by feeding her soft food daily. The cat now thinks she should eat several times a day and has taken to befriending anyone who she thinks may crack a can of the good stuff for her.  My cat is a player. Playing with the emotions of people who genuinely think she is being affectionate. Shame on you Kitty!

I was going to say I accomplished nothing today but I did make a couple of nice meals, tidy the house, get groceries, win a staring contest with my cat and order a new laptop. I am excited for my new laptop to come and since I am typing this on my phone I am probably overdue.

Hubby is back up north today after a whirlwind visit. We had a fun time this weekend pretending to have all the stamina and swagger of twenty year olds. We had a nice dinner with friends this weekend at Pampas. It is an authentic Brazilian Steakhouse with continuous tableside meat service. It was very delish but for two days I felt like I was having a meat baby.

I am planning on sleeping like a baby tonight. Kirk had surgery to remove a lump on his back Friday and he is very  sore. In trying to avoid hurting him I have been sleeping all curled up in the fetal position.  In the morning my body feels like that of a senior citizen after a game of extreme dodgeball.

Tomorrow I will pick up my regular blogging schedule but tonight I am going to read, stare at the TV, annoy the cat, ignore the kids and wash down two advil with some wine.

Thanks bloggers for the awards you sent me on the weekend.  They are fun and appreciated. I just need some time to catch up.

Have a lovely evening!