Let’s talk about sex baby! Wise Project 2018 #TenaciousTuesday

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“We are no guiltier in following the primitive impulses that govern us than is the Nile for her floods or the sea for her waves.”
Marquis de Sade, Aline et Valcour

I have spent the last week predominantly in comfy clothes (some might call them pajamas) with no make-up and hair piled on top of my head, alternating between Netflix and sweeping dog hair off the floors. It has been an extremely relaxing week off work to say the least. On Sunday I slept late, and during my last hour in dreamland I had convinced myself that I had written this amazing blog post for Tenacious Tuesday, that it was fabulous as well as scheduled to be published first thing this morning. In the Tim Horton’s drive thru I realized that it had been a dream and I searched my brain to recall what it was I had written about in my dream that I was so excited about. Somewhere between scoffing down a horribly burnt medium black coffee and a bagel belt which was weirdly missing the lettuce and tomato, so basically just a bagel be; I totally lost any recollection of the awesomeness I had intended.

I usually do not stress about my Tuesday post; the universe always has my back and a topic always pops in my head at the last minute. Instead of stressing out I indulged in Season 2 of Ozark and I have to say the writers on this show are fucking brilliant. Helen, the lawyer on this season of Ozark has the best one liners and though you recognize that she is appropriately pleasant when the occasion calls for it, you never for one second doubt that she would cut you in pieces and put you in a wood chipper and finish the day off with a nice 18 year single malt scotch without even batting an eye if that is what was needed. Even knowing that, the writers have managed to make her somewhat likeable.

“Hey Helen with the slicked back hair, pale face, black cherry lipstick and charcoal grey pantsuits, I get you. Your composed ruthlessness and ambiguous half smile are kind of sexy in a bit of an alarming way.”

It is stunning to me what a room full of good writers can pull off but alas even this line “It’s the first law of power Marty, those who can; shit on others, those who can’t clean it up!”, did not trigger a topic for me to write about.

I made dinner, watched Haley have a first day of grade nine eve dance party, talked to Morgan about heartbreak, spoke with a friend about exes and then it was an article about a couple in China that went to the doctor after failing to conceive a baby for four years in which the woman had been enduring painful sex, only to find that they had been having ONLY anal sex for four years and that the woman was still a virgin that I yelled “AY CARUMBA” in a loud yet somewhat sexy Spanish accent sounding like a cross between an intoxicated Sofía Vergara and an angry Eva Longoria that I decided to talk about my favorite subject in the entire world ‘SEX’.

So, even though those badasses Salt N Pepa said it said it first, “Let’s talk about sex baby!”

Sex has always been a fascinating topic to me, it astounds me that people are having a lot of sex yet not talking about it and some people are not having a lot of sex and still not talking about it. I have always been extremely open in talking about sex with my children. Ultimately it is something that they are going to do at some point, and I hope that when they choose to have sex that it is safe and meaningful and I also want them to know that it is supposed to feel good for both partners.

The “Me Too” movement has opened up a lot of dialogue surrounding consent, respect and responsibility in regards to sex, however, I know that there are a lot of situations that those engaged in having sex do not actually feel comfortable enough to speak up when things do not feel right, or to ask for consent. I am not a prude at all when it comes to sex, though I do think at the very least a prerequisite for having sex with someone should be feeling comfortable enough to talk about what is happening and whether it is OK with both partners (or all partners, who am I to judge?)

SEX IS EVERYWHERE

In our culture sex is used to attract and distract, entertain, allure and sell. Though we have all been guilty of constant concern and petty gossip surrounding the sex lives of others, studies suggest that partners are not able to talk to each other openly about their own sex lives. Astoundingly, this is not an issue that is reserved for youth or couples in new relationships, couples in long term relationships and those who have been married for decades have a difficult time not only talking about sex but communicating their wants and needs.

If you have spent any time with me at all you may have heard me say that sex is like pizza, “When it’s good, it’s really good and when it’s bad, it’s still pizza and you will have a second slice!”

That is actually complete bullshit, it is 2018 and there is no reason for us to be having anything but fantastic sex and damn good pizza. I like all sorts of pizza but my favorite is thin crust veggie pizza and I am not afraid to tell Pizza Hut how I like it.

Remember during the Clinton scandal when Barbara Bush said Clinton lied because a man never forgets a blow job, even a shitty one? I think if we are going to make memories they should be memorable for all the right reasons. Almost as good as great sex is our recollection of it later.

If you choose to have sex it should always feel indulgent, but not like that extra cookie before bed because sex is actually good for your physical and emotional health in many surprising ways. It should feel indulgent like an extra scoop of french vanilla ice cream on your pumpkin pie, minus the guilt but double the satisfaction.

You don’t go to Fatburger for the garden salad, if you are in, be all in!

Sex should be empowering but should never be used to wield power over your partner or to shame, blame or hurt.

Sex and death remain two of the top subjects that people have the most difficulty talking about and understandably so, even those that believe in heaven are in no hurry to race to the pearly gates, but people seem to want more and more sex yet are less and less willing to have honest conversations about it.

I guess in a way, talking candidly about sex may present opportunities for embarrassment or ridicule but that has never been my experience, either in talking with my late husband and/or friends. I find it surprising how openly people can talk about sex when they feel like they are in a safe place of non-judgement yet for some reason they are not always in that place of comfort with their sexual partners. Without that level of comfort they fail to reveal their secret desires as well as their likes and dislikes and therefore sex can quickly become stale, almost as exciting as folding laundry. We will do it because when all the baskets are full we have to but we are not doing it as often as we should and we are not feeling fulfilled.

Intimacy was a huge part of my marriage and for that I am thankful. My late husband and I were together for twenty years and sex was not an issue for us though we did struggle through those early years with babies and full time jobs when sometimes the promise of extra sleep was a bit more alluring than a midnight romp. I realized quite quickly that good sex doesn’t have to take a long time and nothing makes you sleep better than the big “O”

I remember the one and only time that my late husband turned me down for sex saying he was too tired, I remember everything about how that made me feel, I even remember details of that day because I had changed our bedroom around and our bed was in a different location. I was so sullen, and it made me feel hurt and unwanted. We were having problems in our marriage that were not related to sex, in fact, with the stress of children and full time jobs we had almost lost our ability to communicate and if it were not for sex we may have completely lost our connection to one another. I believe that sex between lovers can be a language all on its own and if we are not able to effectively communicate, problems arise. There are times in our intimate relationships that we will inevitably face challenges, sex shouldn’t be one of them but it is right up there with finances and can cause the same degree of stress and discontent if left unattended.

I read a really interesting article relating to the impact that sexual rejection has on relationships and what was really interesting to me is that if women were the initiator’s of sex and were turned down they felt justified in their hurt and frustration but failed to see the same effect when they said no to their male partners because of the belief that the male need and want for sex is largely desire based and for females it is believed to be emotionally centered. Interestingly enough though; men experience the same amount of hurt and negative emotions when their sexual affections are dismissed, often affecting their confidence, ego and desire for their partners.

Sex is a wonderful expression of love between partners but sex and love can also be very separate things. They are not mutually exclusive and the outdated idea that it is supposed to be touching for the woman and gratifying for the man and that men should always initiate sex are things that I was never told by my mother during that awkward conversation about sex that we had all those years ago while sitting in my teenage bedroom surrounded by Jon Bon Jovi posters, yet they are things I spent a great deal of time believing nonetheless.

Intimate love and sex go hand in had, I believe that to be true, but I also believe that there are people having great sex without love and commitment and though I think that is wonderful for them I think that there is an important distinction that should be made when entering into sexual relationships, sex is a beautiful and healthy way to express and celebrate the love we have for another person but sex does not guarantee that someone will love us. I think this is an important discernment for all sexually active individuals. In healthy relationships, whether they are committed or not, sex should not be used as a commodity.

Everyone has their own opinions about sex, intimacy and its importance in relationships and the great thing is that none of us are wrong in our personal opinions but i believe that both partners views about sex, the importance of, and the frequency of should be considered, and even in the most casual of sexual relationships; safety, comfort and pleasure should always be priorities. If sex is on the menu, serve it right!

Our sex lives are heavily shaped by culture, perception and expectations, some of what we know or have come to expect is clouded by Harlequin romances or better yet porn, both are for entertainment, not education. The best way to know what your partner is turned on by is to ask them because nine out of ten times Fabio hair and fisting is not it.

I encourage you all to be tenacious this Tuesday and initiate a conversation with your significant other about sex. I wish you good luck and great sex.

“The sexual embrace can only be compared with music and with prayer.”

~Marcus Aurelius

Romeo and “just a minute….” W.I.S.E. Project 2016

Kirk and I

Relationships are hard. I don’t have a PhD but I do have 18 years of experience in the same roller coaster relationship. So trust me, I know things.

We expect a lot from relationships and too often we expect to get more out of a relationship than we put in. The probability of getting credit for more than you have deposited is unlikely. If you put five dollars into the bank you can not withdraw twenty. It is not rocket science. We are all smart people here but admit it, when you got married you expected something a little more Cinderella-ish as opposed to a Hitchcock horror movie where you are constantly fighting for your life. You’ll make it, but not without work and sometimes it is harder than you can ever imagine. Sharing your bed and your bathroom and peeing while your spouse shaves looked a hell of a lot sexier in your head than it does in real life. Nobody told you that you might have to compromise…a lot. Even on stuff like pizza toppings! Nobody told you that you would face more fears and insecurities than you did when you were single. All of the cards we got at our wedding said “have a wonderful life together” They didn’t say that some days your greatest struggles in your relationship and your greatest frustrations would be an opportunity to not lay blame, but to confront yourself. It seems easier to keep a running tally of your spouses shortcomings and invest in the belief that their issues are the only thing standing between you and that fairy tale marriage you once dreamed about but if you allow yourself self awareness you will learn to be more compassionate to yourself, and in turn your spouse. You may not love finding dishes and socks strewn all over the house but it will not break you. You cannot change your spouse, no matter how much you cry, nag, scream or throw things; you will waste so much valuable time trying to change people. If you want change, change yourself!

I am devoted to my husband. I have been with him for almost half of my life. The experiences that we have shared together have been transformative to every aspect of our lives. We started out as these young fools that thought we knew everything there was to know about everything and we couldn’t have been more wrong. As we grew as individuals sometimes we grew apart and sometimes we came together. We didn’t always show each the other the consideration we deserved but somehow we soldiered through to the place we are now and it feels like a good place where my heart is safe and full.

I can’t say why I decided that my husband was the one, why I was willing to put in the hard work and to allow him to slowly chip away at the walls I had built up over the years. I am not even clear if it was a decision at all or if it was beyond my control. I do know that I had no idea what a real adult relationship was supposed to look like and wouldn’t for a very long time. We got married and exchanged rings bounding us together forever and subscribing to the age old notion that two had become one.

The fact that for almost 18 years we have committed to work through problems as they arise (and they keep coming) shows that we truly aspire to achieve full intimacy, the kind that is not corroded by years of stubborn resentment and abundant expectations. I have chosen to evict years of hurt and anger from my brain and live in the here and now. My husband will undoubtedly piss me off again and I will without question drive him to the brink of absolute madness. We will love through it; and move on until the next jackass thing comes up. Ahhh…marriage.

When my children were born there was nothing more miraculous than those experiences. I was overcome with such intense love and emotion for these wondrous little creatures with their perfect fingers and toes, soft bodies and faces that were so animated yet completely void of pretense or fear. I spent endless amounts of time just looking at them, entirely captivated by their very nature to just exist and be happy doing so. It is an incredulous experience to be overcome with a love so pure. I guess it is similar to the way I fell in love with my husband, it wasn’t something that I decided to do, it was unavoidable. I was weakened with this sincere and eager feeling that distracted me day and night. In fact I tried really hard to not fall in love with him, I liked being single and I was pretty determined to not allow the existence of mysterious forces to take that from me. Apparently my defenses were feeble against these enigmatic powers and would continue to be many times over the years when I tried to battle against them. Sometimes love hurts and I admit that over the 18 years of my relationship with my husband I would try several times to struggle against it to no avail. I have loved him through all of the times, even the ones I didn’t like him very much, often neglecting the importance of loving myself.

I would describe most of my relationship with my husband as fiercely passionate, amplified by the fact that my husband worked away for many years and we all know that separation makes the heart grow fonder. My husband is also a Scorpio so he can be ardently intense! However there are also periods of time that we are slaves to the mundane daily tasks of working parents. sometimes marriage is boring, but at a certain point you really come to appreciate knowing what comes next.

Romantic love often thrives on separation because of the fantasies that we create during absence. Unattainable love can be quite thrilling but it can also be impersonal and wrought with bitterness and distress. Though there is an incredible amount of energy in passion, if we do not have the courage to make a real connection, to allow ourselves the abandonment of our mental inhibitions and our selfishness then we will never turn our romantic love into true lasting love.

From the beginning of time there has been darkness at the center of passionate love. In classical myths and literature such as Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights, one possesses their lover completely in death only. Trusting in this type of passion glorifies a lifetime of unhappiness and life is too short to be anything but happy!

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I have been distracted on more than one occasion by the delightful agony of passionate love. We endorse this type of feral romance in books, music and on the big screen everyday. It can be torturous but it makes us feel wildly alive.  Though we use our bodies to connect and relieve loneliness and frustration, believing in the meaningfulness of our rampant romance, we rarely allow ourselves to  be open enough to  dissolve the walls we have built around our heart to protect us from hurt. So when the fantasy starts to fade and problems emerge we are left with the realization that we barely knew the person at all. The truth is we didn’t, we didn’t get to know them and we barely allowed our guard down enough for them to know us. When you look back on failed relationships were you ever willing to be vulnerable enough to allow true love to grow? If you are honest you might be surprised at your answer.

A long term committed relationship takes a certain amount of courage to let down your guard, to love, to forgive and to share your space. As a young woman emerging into adulthood I relied on a deceptive belief that to make someone fall in love with me I had to be everything they wanted. I had to like their music and share the same hobbies and beliefs. Compatibility is based on a lot of things but not on becoming a completely different person to attract another. It is an impossible charade to live up to and very damaging to our spirit to align our thoughts and beliefs with another to a point that we are giving up the beauty of what makes us unique and special.

There are so many things I wish I had known years ago but there is always something to be said for learning the lessons the hard way. The been there, done that, bought the friggin t-shirt approach gets you to the same conclusion eventually. If we have any intention of enriching love and deepening our relationships we really need to begin with ourselves. We are not responsible for our significant other’s happiness, decisions or well-being.  To be in a fully committed and loving relationship we need to relinquish our clingy need for dependency. Relationships thrive when we nurture and support our partner’s without solely relying on them for our contentment and wellness. Chains of love are chains just the same.

I am sure you have all been told on occasion “you cannot love another before you fully love yourself”. You may have even repeated it to a friend when you thought they needed to hear it. How much of what we hear, repeat and even believe do we put to use? I have said that phrase to countless people over the years. I was free with advice that I never seized myself.

When we are in a committed relationship, or a marriage, we do not become one. We share a common space of mutual responsibility, sharing and joy but we still preserve our individual space and we are completely independent individuals. I always wonder if couple’s with joint Facebook accounts truly believe that they are one person, sharing a mind? If you respect and trust your partner that will allow you to afford them independence, than being together and spending time together becomes a choice instead of a chore.

One of the most important things I have learned in my marriage is that love is being present. The most precious gift you can give the one you love is your presence.  Presence in the here and now. I spent a great deal of my relationship stuck in the past, tormenting myself with old hurt and agonizing over the future. I would allow these worries to invade good times and ruin them. To put it in black and white it seems ridiculous but I know a lot of you fail to enjoy the present moment because you are apprehensive about what tomorrow will bring or you are still clinging to the bad thing that happened yesterday or five years ago.

“The past is no longer there; the future is not here yet; there is only one moment to which life is available and that is the present moment” –Buddha

Nothing annoys me more than when I am having a conversation with my husband and I have to keep repeating myself because his attention is focused elsewhere. While researching relationships it was very sobering to realize that I am even guiltier of doing this. If you have ever spent a moment wondering why your significant other doesn’t confide in you more, ask yourself if you are present when they do? Are you playing with your phone, making a mental grocery list, thoughtfully planning what you would do if you won ten million dollars? If you are consistently not present, your lover will bore of confiding in you and you will get the same attention when you confide in them. We want to be treated equally in a relationship but often what we really mean is that we want what we want when we want it with minimal effort on our part. We are setting ourselves up for failure.

Learning to be mindful and live in the present we are not stuck revisiting the pain and the mistakes of the past or torturing our worried minds about a future that is not here yet. Instead we are mindfully enjoying our time together in the moment. It takes a lot of practice to mindfully embrace each moment with a willingness to accept things just the way they are. Once they have happened, we cannot change them but if we allow ourselves we can enjoy the moment or learn from it. Either way we accept the experience.

You can look for love and happiness everywhere which is the equivalent of looking for love in all of the wrong places. Love and happiness resides inside of all of us. My capacity to create joy and be in a healthy, committed relationship comes from loving and accepting myself. Loving myself and investing in myself really does allow me the choice to completely love another.

From the very beginning of my journey to be more mindful and create a life full of happiness and joy I knew that my relationship with my husband would need some examination. Looking back on what I have learned about marriage, from years of being in one, it is amazing how little either of us knew about relationships and what it meant to be in one when we said “I do”. I didn’t even know what the basic principles of a relationship really were and spent years of tortured angst believing it was my responsibility to make my partner happy, instead of subscribing to the notion that I was accountable for my own happiness, as he was his. Building enduring and gratifying relationships depends largely on our ability to extend warmth and kindness to ourselves. It is foolish to expect someone to love us unconditionally if we do not entirely love ourselves!

“They say marriages are made in heaven. So is thunder and lighting”

                                                                                  ~Clint Eastwood

BE YOUR OWN HERO

For my Aunt Sylvia. A woman of great strength and grace, and to all the strong women in the world who are not afraid to shine, stand out and speak up!

BE YOUR OWN HERO

A little over five years ago we moved our family across Canada making Edmonton our new home. My husband was already working an advancing job in the Oil Sands and he saw and seized an opportunity that wasn’t available to him in our small town in Nova Scotia. I was overcome with fear. Despite our struggles, financial and otherwise, there was a comfort in raising our girls in our country home just minutes away from the support of our family and friends. The thought of moving to a big city again, as a mom and a wife, not a young and carefree youth, crippled me with certain fear. The inevitable happened, people started telling me how much I would hate it and how I would be back in less than six months. The thought of slinking home after selling my home and moving my family 5000 miles away was even more unnerving then the alternative; trying to make it work.

As a young woman living in the city I saw beauty in the diversity of people and places. University students, rappers, professionals of every age and race, sharing space in a perfectly imperfect way.  I loved the city, it offered me a place to be myself and the opportunity to embrace a way of life that was new and exciting for me. I remember living in London, Ontario and walking to the all night diner at 3 am for scrambled eggs. The diner wasn’t fancy and it didn’t have a clever name. The neon sign simply said diner, open 24 hours. There were only a few two seater tables and a large communal bar-like round counter with stools where you could grab a seat, order from a menu on the wall and watch the cranky, elderly gentlemen behind the counter quickly prepare your palettes desire. He was like the ‘soup Nazi’ from the popular Seinfeld episode. If you spoke out of turn or made a snide remark there was ‘no food for you’ and there was no changing his mind. He fascinated me, this old man with the hard shell exterior and a work ethic not matched by his youthful counterparts. The food there was amazing and I was careful to eat quietly and not interact too much with the other late night clientele, lest they didn’t know the rules I didn’t want their ignorance to reflect on me. There was a quiet respect between the old man and myself and I know I had gained his trust. On more than one occasion I caught him observing me with a hint of a smile.

As a parent moving her children to the city I didn’t feel the same kind of enthusiasm. We enjoyed lazy days at the beach and Sunday family suppers at home in Nova Scotia. I liked that there wasn’t a lot of traffic on our quiet country road and the sounds of the night were reserved for crickets and coyotes. I think what I feared the most was the unknown. Take away my home, my friends, and my extended family….who would I be? Would I belong? Haley was young enough to just want to go wherever we were going, she could appreciate the excitement of the journey. Morgan however was old enough to mourn all she was leaving behind and too young to realize that if you keep a relationship alive in your heart that distance doesn’t matter.

Quite quickly I realized that my attitude about the move would prove essential in a smooth transition for the girls. I ignored the people who told me how much I would hate it and grasped unto the enthusiastic well wishes from people I was close to. I would always have a hometown, a place where I was born and raised, and a place that would always have my heart. Embracing a diverse and dynamic city like Edmonton, immersing my family in its vibrant culture would not diminish my ties to my home.

That first summer we visited the grand Rocky Mountains. Their soaring snowcapped peaks reaching for the sunshine as their feet refreshed into iridescent glacier water.  The mountain air that filled our lungs breathed a new life into our souls and motivated us for the journey ahead. The remainder of summer was full of sporting events, backyard barbeques and concerts. The kids loved the city, they loved city transit. They loved being a part of a grand scheme.

Summer faded into fall, Morgan started her new school while I stayed home with Haley. Morgan struggled with a place to belong in school and though she made new friendships quickly she suffered their ups and downs. She always enjoyed and excelled at sports but fought with the idea of being her best. She found that shining at sports didn’t always sit well with her female friends and I strained trying to explain to her the beauty in being the very best you can be. Somebody who is not afraid to shine will always be the brightest light in the room.

At ten Morgan was maturing into a sweet girl but her body and her emotions were at war with one another and I wrestled with trying to parent her through it. We had always been the best of friends and she felt she needed a friend, not a parent. I began to foresee a future of reasoning right and wrong with a pre-teen who knows everything.

One lazy Sunday we three girls were curled up watching Whip It. Whip It is a fun, inspirational sports film with a female dominated cast. It is full of charm, and good natured wit. The allure of the movie, based on Bliss, a former beauty pageant contestant turned Roller Derby player is that it isn’t sappy but it portrays women as strong, sassy, funny and real.  The film explores the game of modern roller derby, albeit in an over the top way and studies female relationships in an entertaining way. In a tough as nails, action packed roller derby scene my ten year old daughter said “I wanna do that!”

“Really?” I replied, “Roller Derby?”

“Yes, definitely”, she replied.

She was a girl in love.

The next day I was driving the girls to school and we got a sign, in the form of an actual sign. There was a sign on the side of the road that said “Junior Roller Derby, ages 12-17, wanna try?”

Morgan excitably pointed out the sign and begged me to call. The age said 12 and she was only ten but I guess I could make a phone call.

Turns out it was a very important phone call. The lady said that they had been considering taking younger girls and to bring her to practice Sunday. I decided to take her Roller Skating at the old Sportsworld that Friday to see if she liked it. She was off like a shot with a smile on her face. I tried too, I hadn’t been on quad skates since I was a kid and my legs were super shaky. It was also hard to keep my balance with Haley hanging off me. Haley was six at the time and hated roller-skating. She ripped the skates off her feet so fast you would have thought they were on fire. Morgan however had found her new love.

From that first Sunday till now has been quite a voyage.  A little league that was once the appendage of an adult league became its own society run by parents and volunteers with the common goal of empowering youth, allowing them to embrace their individualism in a fun, safe and respectful environment while learning the sport of flat track roller derby. As a founding member and board member I have been humbled and moved by the determination of these young skaters and the strong women who give their time to teach them a sport that they are passionate about.

As a parent I have always strived to teach my girls to be strong and independent and never be afraid to be the very best they can be. Traditionally females are taught to be feminine, quiet and sweet. Roller Derby is a non-traditional sport and it teaches girls lessons that are very valuable in today’s society. It teaches them to be strong and competent and competitive. A competitive sport such as roller derby teaches girls to embrace the skills they learn to be stronger individuals with healthy self-esteem and body images.

Often in society men are rewarded for strength, competence and aggressive behavior while for women it is frowned upon. Strong women are frequently viewed as a threat in today’s society and instead of learning to be fearless and independent they are learning that being feminine is measured in their ability to attract members of the opposite sex, not rocking the boat, allowing the men to do the heavy lifting, in sitting pretty so to speak. As a parent I prefer that my girls make their own definition of the word feminine. One that exceeds physical beauty and embraces independence, personality, uniqueness, strength and capability.

The sport of Roller Derby is played by strong and enduring women all over the world. Those that coach the sport are resilient and passionate. They are their own heroes, and heroes to the girls that they instill the same robust qualities.

Haley is a Derby girl now and she is navigating her way, finding a place in a sport that envelopes everyone.

I am proud of Morgan Mayhem and Haleylujah. They are flawlessly imperfect and definitely not textbook young ladies but I believe that they are amongst a movement of young women that will shove through the walls that society has built up, unravel and redefine the roles of men and women. They will know when to be strong, when to speak up and when to stand their ground. They will never be afraid to be “as good” as their male counterparts and in fact will struggle to be better.

They will never be intimidated by the term ‘male dominated’, they will believe that means ‘female friendly’

The definition of ‘feminine’ is in need of a serious revamp. Females in sport are changing what it looks like every day. From where I stand it looks like, determination, skill, endurance, passion and strength.

Morgan with Terminal City All Stars Luludemon and EightMean Wheeler after she guested with STAHR Roller Derby (adults) Beezlebubs at age 13
Morgan Mayhem, Haleylujah, Nancy Kenny and Marilyn Monroll at The Fringe Festival Parade promoting Roller Derby saved my soul.
Morgan Mayhem
Morgan Mayhem, Belle Camino (Tar Sand Betties) and Haleylujah at Calgary’s Flat Track Fever

There is some place where your specialties can shine. Somewhere that difference can be expressed. It’s up to you to find it, and you can. David Viscott

Learn more about Junior Roller Derby

Where to get Roller Derby Gear

Greater Edmonton Junior Roller Derby

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Daily Prompt: A Friend in Need

Posted by michelle w.Finish this sentence: “My closest friend is…”Photographers, artists, poets: show us FRIENDSHIP.Please note that comments are always closed on daily prompts. Pingbacks are always enabled; if you link to the prompt post on your blog, a link to your post will appear in the list below the prompt.

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My closest friend is my husband Kirk. Sometimes he infuriates me and sometimes it takes some time for us to fit into each others lives. We live a unique lifestyle but certainly not unusual for anyone who works or has a spouse who works in the Oil Sands of Alberta. Kirk works away for a minimum of ten days and then he is back for four days. This past run he was gone for 17 days. He lives in work camps and works in remote parts of Alberta. Our daily lives are very different so when he comes home the two of us often mix like oil and water. With patience (which admittedly I lack sometimes) and a bit off tongue, we eventually work through our conflicting personalities and that is when the fun starts. Once we decide that we don’t have to talk over each other and compete to see who has had a worse week we are able to breath, relax and laugh together. Nobody in the world can make me laugh like Kirk and when I am laughing I am relaxed and free. Unlike other couples we don’t have the luxury of time so when we are thrown together we have to jam all of our niceties and good times in a couple of days. My closest friend is a loud and opinionated.  I sometimes have to fight him to get a word in edgewise. He obviously likes the sound of his own voice. My closest friend is the hardest worker I know, often carrying a huge weight on his shoulders. He is conscientious,  strong and he has an unusually brilliant mind. He encourages me always and tells me I can do anything I set my mind too. My closest friend loves me passionately,  he makes me feel safe and important in this big bad word.

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