Help Me to Fly

It’s the last night of my “Dirty Thirties” and I am lying in bed eating a coffee mug full of Ice Cream. The last couple of weeks have been emotionally draining and my initial excitement about turning forty sort of fizzled and died. I am generally a pretty upbeat person who tries to see the good and the lessons in every day problems but there have been a couple of days lately that I had a hard time getting out of my pajamas and I curled up and cried.

I have a fourteen year old daughter.

I could stop here and for some of you another word would not have to be typed without you sighing knowingly and feeling empathy for me…a virtual stranger.

One day the little girl who once looked at me like I was more important than the moon and the stars decided she didn’t like me much. It came out in her words, her actions, her body language and her disrespect. It put a Valley between us, a river of tears and hurt ran through it turning compassion into compulsion. I have always been told that you can only be a parent or a friend, not both! I know my child deserves discipline and boundaries. I know that understanding accountability will make her a better person in the future but every day I miss the little girl who hung on my every word, who thought that the sun shone because of me, that I was responsible for rainbows, cherry flavored jello and all the other good things!

I decided to break the parenting rule, I miss being her friend. I found that it was exactly what we both needed. We needed each other. I found out that my scared little girl who likes to think she is all grown up is feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. At fourteen she is so worried about figuring out life and worrying about the future that she is miserable right now. I let my hurt fool me into thinking that she didn’t need me when in reality the more she pushed the more she wanted me to love her back! She wants to know that I will love her no matter what and when times are overwhelming will I just listen and not judge. Will I hold her and laugh with her and be happy for her? Will I treat her like a young lady but love her like a little girl.

Our expectations cannot be so great that our children will constantly fear disappointing us. Teenagers feel a lot of pressure in today’s society to be smart, attractive and popular and in turn we as parents want to do our very best to make our little humans into people they are proud of. There comes a time when we need to allow them to learn from their mistakes instead of making them fear taking chances. We need to be quietly encouraging and supportive, even if we don’t always understand. We have to remind them that life will happen, ready or not and they cannot plan their entire life in advance. We need to remind them that the biggest regrets they will have in life are the chances that they never took. They will make mistakes, we need to tell them that we will love them anyway.

The best we can do is help them to fly and let them decide where to go!

If you are a parent you need to watch this video. Sometimes the hardest thing is watching our children grow up but I believe that they will always need us as much as we need them!

A ticket to visit Mum


Tuesday August 21 1990 is the day I lost my father. 23 long years ago that in a lot of ways seem like yesterday. Sometimes I don’t remember why I walked into a room but I remember everything about that day, one of the most horrible days of my life. I am not going to elaborate too much in this post because I have written about that day, if you haven’t read you can read it below.

My daughter asked me last night what were my biggest fears and I said death and traffic circles. The biggest reason we fear something is that we don’t understand.

There is a quote I like from Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie

“Death ends a life, not a relationship”

My dad will always be my dad, nothing will ever change that. I think a lot of the grieving process is so painful because we are hurting for the person that was taken from us when in reality they have gone on to a better place. It’s the living, us that are left behind to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and learn to love and laugh again that suffer and lose ourselves in grief. We often shun the things that can help us like friends, family and faith in God. I know that I locked up my heart for a long time and shut out God and light in my life. We think we are protecting our hearts from further pain when in reality we are protecting ourselves from love. LOVE HURTS. Anything that can bring us great joy has the potential to bring us great pain. Loving is one of the most courageous things we can do. I still fear death but I am trying to understand that death is a part of the inevitable circle of life. Today I am trying really hard not to remember that day but to remember the good times and the memories that death cannot take away. I will probably listen to some sad songs and cry a little and maybe listen to some of my dads old favorites and dance around like a fool.

“Love Hurts”

Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And mars, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts

I’m young, I know, but even so
I know a thing or two
And I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me

[1] I know it isn’t true, I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
ooh, ooh love hurts