Naked and Afraid-Marriage in the 21st Century -Podcast 3 part series

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I decided to do a three part  segment on Marriage and some things I have  learned during the last 14 years of wedded bliss and almost 18 years in a relationship with my husband in which we have  faced our share of adversity and struggles.

Marriage can be fun, beautiful and so rewarding, but the one thing that nobody tells you on your wedding day is how hard it is, how much work it requires and if you do not nurture it it can very quickly wither up and die, like a flower in the desert heat!

I entered into my marriage pretty idealistically and with a lot of silly expectations. I brought with me way too much sass and this incredible need to be right all the time. My husband brought his own ideas and idiosyncrasies. Adding us together, mixing us up, throwing in some good times and struggle on top of struggle there have been some dark moments. The thing we are proud of is that though there were times where we almost got lost in the struggles, we dug in, put in some very hard work and today we are lucky to not just call each other partners but we are best friends.

There will be times that we may not like each other but those are the times that we remind ourselves how much we love each other. We have shared some great times together and some times that have made our heads spin. My need, or desire to share this with you comes from a good place in my heart that wants everyone in a relationship that is facing hard times or  daily struggles to know that you are not alone and it is normal. I even share some tips about things that have worked for us.

Join me for a fun and honest look into being Naked and Afraid in a marriage in the 21st century.

Part One- Setting the Stage

Part Two- Stupid things your spouse does and taking the good with the bad

Part Three- Make-up sex, fighting fair and why cuddling has it’s time and place.

Thanks for joining me, I would love to hear your feedback and I adore your marriage stories.

Cheers,

Michelle

Red Red Wine-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

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This morning I found my crumpled up paper that I had handwritten the entire years W.I.S.E. principles on back in December and discovered that June’s principles are WOW, Incredible, Stimulate and Enthusiasm. I had my first WOW moment around 3 am when I got up to use the washroom and noticed through groggy, half open eyes that my underwear were covered in red wine stains. I was initially confused and then I had a moment where I whispered to myself “WOW bitch, time to get your shit together!”

I am pretty sure that when I set out in December that was not the type of WOW moments I had intended to have upon entering the sixth month of this journey.

In all seriousness though, before my family thinks that I have turned into Chelsey Handler with a blog, I had a rough couple of “lady-time’ days and I had given myself a time out in the rec room with fuzzy blankets, Crave TV and wine. I discovered on my couch-side table that I had three bottles of wine with a glass to a glass and a half each in them because apparently I can never finish what I started. I thought it would be best to drink them before they evaporated and at some point I forgot that I didn’t have three hands and spilled wine all over me while adjusting my blankets. The couch is leather and my pants were black so I grabbed some Kleenex and put minimal effort into the clean-up, poured another glass and put it out of my mind entirely until the witching hour when I discovered that I looked like I just left a college frat party instead of the comfort of my bed.

All things considered it gave me a “WOW’ moment early in the month, an incredible laugh, it stimulated my imagination and I was wanted to enthusiastically recall the story for all of you. So I have used all of my June W.I.S.E. principles in one day so yay for me. I am going to celebrate with ice cream and call it a month!

I am happy to report that I am feeling much better today. I actually put on real clothes and lipstick for work which admittedly was not the case for the first two days of the week. That is in the past though, lets leave it there.

May’s W.I.S.E. principles (warmth, intimacy, serenity and enrich) have changed my life. I discovered so much about myself and relationships,took time to myself to recharge and refuel and discover the power of vulnerability. I have enriched my life immensely with the books and talks by the fabulous Brene Brown. I am currently reading Daring Greatly and taking her CourageWorks e-course on the anatomy of trust. I know I mentioned this in a previous post but I am clearly telling you again for your own good. Give her a listen, her Ted talk on Vulnerability was life changing for me and I am not even being a little bit dramatic, it really has profoundly changed me and the way I see myself.

I am loving the W.I.S.E Projects Facebook page. If you haven’t followed please check it out. It is just a place to share inspiring messages and you can interact with me there.

Visit me on Facebook

Let’s be wowed this month, whether it be by kindness or the beauty of nature or by knowledge, lets embrace the moments that make us say “WOW’, let’s seek the “incredible” and find it in everyday things, laughter, stories, art and music. Lets stimulate our minds and our bodies with good news, great messages, learning, good food and activity, and let’s face each new day with spirited enthusiasm, living, loving and learning moment to moment, day by day! This is a pivotal turning point for the W.I.S.E. Project, when we complete June’s principles we will be at the halfway mark of the 2016 W.I.S.E. Project. I don’t know about you but I feel great!!

I have learned so many great things lately but one thing that I wanted to share that I was once told is that you will be what you think of most of the time. when I started this project I just wanted to be happy…and I am.

Think about happiness, seek it, create it, enjoy it!

Be W.I.S.E. friends.

 

I’m a big kid now!

Yesterday I turned forty.

I woke up with wild grey hairs in my eyebrows but after a scowl and a pluck they were gone and I really didn’t feel much different. The thing that struck me the most was that the time between 14 and forty goes by so quickly. It seems like yesterday that I was forgoing Saturday morning cartoons to lay in bed and fantasize that I was on white sand beach making love with Jon Bon Jovi. I was fourteen so I knew nothing of love or sex and even in my fantasies it was mostly rolling around on the sand slobbering in each others mouths and telling each other how hot we were and that our hair was fantastic. So technically not much different then my twenties except at twenty I was mature enough to know that sand up your ass is not sexy.

I think the days go quicker the older you get as well. It is almost impossible for me to think all the thoughts I want to think, and take all the naps I want to take and still manage to do all the things I planned on doing the day before but put off until today and now they may have to wait until tomorrow. I plugged my wax in three days ago and have yet to wax my brows so instead I took a pair of Dollarama scissors and cut my bangs off so that they fall across my eyebrows and what is happening there is now a mystery!

My Dollarama scissor haircut that covers up my greying eyebrows

This evening I brought a bottle of wine and a glass to the table. An hour later the wine remained unopened and the glass empty. Never in a million years did I think that wine would be one of those things I “didn’t get around too”

I applied for a job tonight. It’s funny because I wasn’t even looking for a job exactly and then all the sudden my dream job jumped out of the computer screen and landed on my lap seductively and stroked my face. My heart skipped a beat. I knew that technically we were not right for each other. It was a downtown job, I am an uptown girl. It’s champagne and caviar, I’m cheap red wine and Black Diamond cheese. What I am trying to get across is that there will be candidates with better “paper” qualifications then me but in the real world of experience trumps diploma I would kick the ass off this job. If they were smart they would come to my door with gifts of Lindor Chocolate Truffles and Liquor Depot gift certificates and beg me to take this job. It would be an Affair to Remember! So I realize it is a long shot but I put my hat in the race. You can’t lose something you never had so certainly no harm was done. I honestly haven’t felt passionately about a job in a very long time. I have always taken pride in my work but besides my Volunteer work that I am unquestionably committed to and get a great deal of personal reward from I can’t remember the last time I felt like I could imagine myself waking up and doing the same thing everyday. My respect to those of you who have worked hard to achieve your goals and do a job you love everyday, it is rare!

So forty rolled in pretty quietly for me. It was a Wednesday so no all night party, no jaggermeister shots and swinging from the chandelier but it was exactly what I needed. I had a quiet dinner and shared some laughs with a wonderful friend. We then went to the late show to see American Hustle. Ten Academy Award nominations and I kid you not we had the entire theatre to ourselves. We had our shoes kicked off and our feet up. There was a part in the movie when Bradley Cooper and Amy Adams go disco dancing so we got on our feet and had our very own disco party, so fun. I should mention that my friend is 37.5 weeks pregnant and she sure can bust a move.

American Hustle is set in the 70s, the movie is colorful and layered. The characters are complex and beautiful. Hair was big, bras were non-existent and though there really wasn’t any sex, the hint of it was enough and there were a couple of times when I wanted to scream “DO IT!! The movie explored relationships, consequences, ego, heart and the conflict between right and wrong. It was portrayed so eloquently that there were times I struggled in my own mind to decide what was right and what was wrong and was it really so black and white. The movie really studied the rhythms of the characters and showed you what people are capable of when their lives are in shambles. A line at the end of the movie spoken by Christian Bale (who reminded me of my dear Dad back in the 70s) stuck with me….

“The art of survival is a story that never ends”

So simply true!

My birthday treat

xo Michelle

Grab your Jimmy Poo Shoes and shimmy to the Dear John!

Don't get caught in the flush, grab your Jimmy Poos!
photo compliments of http://www.sassisamblog.com

Hubby and I met friends the other night at a local pub to play pool and as is usual for me, one drink goes in two come out. I.P. Frequently is my pet name! I was sitting in the stall and a woman entered the one beside me and sat down with a thud. She was peeing almost immediately, before her ass even touched the crapper seat and letting out long-winded, uncontrollable pee farts. I snickered loudly and when I realized I hadn’t done so in my head I felt bad and didn’t want to embarrass the mad pee farter so I pretended to be laughing at a conversation I was having on my phone. I know, I know, I am juvenile, faking a conversation was even more mature than the actual loud snickering but farts are funny, especially after you add a double vodka to a stressful week.

I was recounting the story to my husband and he asked if I had Poop shoes when I worked at the Soccer Centre. I laughed, asked him to repeat and then laughed again at his hilarious explanation. I had never heard of Poop Shoes. Apparently I have been out of the “office culture” loop for too long!

URBAN DICTIONARY
poop shoes
the pair of shoes you put on when taking a dump at the office, so no one can identify you under the stall.
matt: who blew up the handicap stall on 5, bro?

rey: it was me, bro!

matt: nah, dude was wearing neon dunks, bro.

rey: yo! them’s my poop shoes, bro!

matt and rey: ahhhhhhhhhh. yea, bro!
by pied pooper July 19, 2011

Apparently this Poop shoe thing is a big deal and may in fact have been stared by the great one herself Oprah Winfrey!

Oprah Winfrey > Quotes > Quotable Quote
Oprah Winfrey
“I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it’s me. Like, if I’m wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall….well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me.”

― Oprah Winfrey

It got me wondering how many people actually do this? What kind of shoes do they use? How often do they switch out their poop shoes? Are they nice shoes or “shitty ones” excuse the pun?

I can imagine women everywhere sneaking their Poop Shoes into their purse, clenching their butt cheeks and taking quick but careful steps to the bathroom to release the Poop Storm!

In defence of Poop Shoe users everywhere when I worked at the Soccer Centre I had about 30 bathrooms to choose from so it wasn’t necessary for anyone to know how regular my bowel movements were or were not! I always had extra shoes in my office though, for whatever need might arise so had I needed them I would have been covered.

Always looking for the perfect get rich quick scheme I decided to market my own line of “Poop Shoes”

“C’mon ladies, Jimmy Poo shoe Party Anyone?”

“If you feel a rainstorm coming on you grab an umbrella, if you feel a shit-storm coming on you grab your poop shoes” -Michelle DeBay

Total Package

Daily Prompt: A Friend in Need

Posted by michelle w.Finish this sentence: “My closest friend is…”Photographers, artists, poets: show us FRIENDSHIP.Please note that comments are always closed on daily prompts. Pingbacks are always enabled; if you link to the prompt post on your blog, a link to your post will appear in the list below the prompt.

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My closest friend is my husband Kirk. Sometimes he infuriates me and sometimes it takes some time for us to fit into each others lives. We live a unique lifestyle but certainly not unusual for anyone who works or has a spouse who works in the Oil Sands of Alberta. Kirk works away for a minimum of ten days and then he is back for four days. This past run he was gone for 17 days. He lives in work camps and works in remote parts of Alberta. Our daily lives are very different so when he comes home the two of us often mix like oil and water. With patience (which admittedly I lack sometimes) and a bit off tongue, we eventually work through our conflicting personalities and that is when the fun starts. Once we decide that we don’t have to talk over each other and compete to see who has had a worse week we are able to breath, relax and laugh together. Nobody in the world can make me laugh like Kirk and when I am laughing I am relaxed and free. Unlike other couples we don’t have the luxury of time so when we are thrown together we have to jam all of our niceties and good times in a couple of days. My closest friend is a loud and opinionated.  I sometimes have to fight him to get a word in edgewise. He obviously likes the sound of his own voice. My closest friend is the hardest worker I know, often carrying a huge weight on his shoulders. He is conscientious,  strong and he has an unusually brilliant mind. He encourages me always and tells me I can do anything I set my mind too. My closest friend loves me passionately,  he makes me feel safe and important in this big bad word.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/daily-prompt-friendship/

Making the Connection with you

Daily Prompt: The Stat Connection

Go to your Stats page and check your top 3-5 posts. Why do you think they’ve been successful? Find the connection between them, and write about it.Photographers, artists, poets: show us CONNECTIONS.

My top posts are all from my Thousand Acre Heart Series. I think it has been successful because I speak from my heart and I talk openly about Adoption,  marriage, motherhood and all my hopes, fears and feelings. I was pretty surprised initially with where my posts were being viewed.  My nine year old daughter freaked out that Hong Kong was viewing because that is Katy Perrys favorite place to visit!! I appreciate every visit and I know that know matter where in the world you are viewing from our hearts are similar. We have all felt the joy of a sunrise, kissed someone we love under the moonlight, felt hurt and loss but conquered it. We have all thrown our hands up under the same blue sky and said “Why me?” or thanked our God for his many blessings. In knowing this I write like I would talk to a friend.  I have said it before, there are no strangers here, just friends we haven’t met yet.People relate to Thousand  Acre Heart because I am you and you are me. We are characters in this world, playing our parts, navigating through lifes stuggles and triumphs trying to be the best we can be. When I write this series I think through my fingers, memories are coming back to me quickly and sometimes my cheeks are hot with tears and other times I am choked with laughter or overwhelmed with the lightness of love.  People relate to honesty,  truth and vulnerability and it has been very cleansing for my soul.

If you haven’t read Thousand Acre Heart but would like to you can start HERE

Michelle ♥

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/daily-prompt-connection/

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Laughed my Ass Off

Daily Prompt: From the Gut

Tell us about the last time you had a real, deep, crying-from-laughing belly laugh.Photographers, artists, poets: show us JOYFUL.Please note that comments are always closed on daily prompts.

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Last month we went on a mini family vacation to Nakusp B.C in the Kootenay Mountains.  We are actually on our way back again to celebrate our wedding anniversary so I am typing this on my phone.

We spent a very relaxing night at a fabulous 2 storey chalet overlooking the Arrow Lakes and the mountains.  It was a long drive but worth it. Waking up in the mountains in on my list of top ten things to do. Instead of waking up  when the city is going to work, I woke up to the steady drum of the lake water hitting the shore rocks and a warm mist hanging low over the majestic mountains.  I let my family sleep while I made a pot of strong black coffee, poured the largest cup I could find and climped up to the lookoff to watch the early morning unfold. The feeling I felt sitting there is the same feeling I get listening to Zac Brown Brown (Toes,  playing on the radio). It’s a good life, not a care in the world. A shot of coffee and a lungful of intoxicating mountain air.

My husband is hilarious,  sometimes I am too busy to one hundred percent appreciate his humour but there is nothing quite like a genuine belly laugh. The world’s most natural medicine. I always tell myself  I am going to live  in the moment more. Laugh when it’s funny, dance when I like the beat and actually take the time to see the things I look at. My husband works up North and is gone for ten days at a time so occasionally it is essential to take a break from the routine that sucks the life out of us.

I made a glorious brunch while singing along to the radio and eventually the allure of bacon roused my family from their slumber.

We cleaned up and toured Naskusp. We all experience that same feeling in the mountains,  like time is suspended,  it is very freeing. We decided to visit friends in Burton, another remote town in the Kootenays. They have a nice property and being there felt so homey and comfortable. My daughter Morgan and I decided to go for a little walk and her being a city girl she wasn’t at all content to walk in the woods. I think she watches too many scary movies at her sleepovers because when I went into the woods to inspect and take pictures of what appeared to be a small abandoned cabin she freaked out “Are you trying to get us killed”

This just made me want to be silly and poke fun at her ridiculous fears. Scenarios of doom and gloom and the possibilities of what heinous events could take place in the creepy little cabin flowed out of me as easily as the clouds hung in the sky. I decided it would be fun to take some pictures for Instagram to document our near death experiences in the woods. Morgan thought I was CRAZY but got caught up in the fun of it all as we gathered fallen trees for props. When I tripped during my antics we both were overcome with giggles that soon turned into full blown hysterics.  The early teenage years are so hard, it felt like forever since the two of us laughed like that. I was full blown crying and snotting. It felt good. We needed it!!

This trip started rather rocky with a collision with a gaggle of geese on the highway so hopefully that is the end of our bad luck. The sun is shining and we are driving in the heart of the rocky mountains. Tomorrow I will wake to the mountain air and carefree days that I crave.

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My husband and I just played the Michael Jackson Thriller CD and sang a duet to “The girl is mine” He was Michael to my McCartney.  “…the doggone girl is mine!” I don’t remember it being that cheesey. So funny.

Cheers to love and laughter. If you have nothing else in the world but those two things you are richer then alot of people.

Live
Love
Laugh
Dare
Cry
Feel Everything

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