Thousand Acre-Part 9

Tender Moments
Tender Moments

Morgan Alyssa DeBay was born Nov 8, 1999. She was amazing. I had a healthy uneventful pregnancy but a tornado of a delivery. I went to the hospital because my fluid was leaking and within half an hour of sending Kirk to work and being told I wasn’t in labour or dilated I was holding our beautiful daughter. Speedy deliveries are great for several obvious reasons but overwhelming to say the least. The recovery time is quicker though because being in labour for hours is traumatic and you are deprived of sleep. Being as I wasn’t in labor the nurse told Kirk to go to work so I could get some rest. Luckily my Mom was on her way into the hospital as Kirk was leaving and she did call him to come back but he missed the entire delivery. His Mom made it just in time and was able to cut Morgan’s chord and help keep me calm. It was an exciting time. Kirk was so proud and I will never forget the way he looked at her, like she was a miracle that had transformed his whole life. For me I felt that I had been given a second chance. I pictured my babies face a lot in those couple of days in the hospital and hoped that somewhere he was happy and blissfully loved and that someday he would understand and be proud of me. Even though the adoption was closed it never felt like a closed book to me. I always felt that I would fulfil the chapters of my life and one day he would be a main character in it. It was probably extremely naive but it was a star that guided me through the darkest of nights.

nice Morgan

Morgan was a perfect baby and she fullfilled in me the need to nuture and mother. Kirk was a wondeful father, a child himself really so getting down on the floor and playing, and being silly was right up his alley. When you become parents there is a definite divide, or at least there was for us, Kirk was the fun one and I was the parent. These roles collided periodically and of course still do and I am certainly capable of having fun but I  don’t think my children would hesitate to name Kirk as the fun one if given the choice.

As I said Morgan was perfect. She was so beautiful and though she came early and in an extremely big hurry within a month I had managed to fatten her up and she was so healthy and chubby. At a little over a month old she was sleeping 8-10 hours overnight and she barely cried except whe she had gas or was constipated. The doctor insisted I keep her on Similac with Iron because she was born early but it made her constipated so my Mom suggested I give her a little prune juice. The operative words here being  a little. She loved it, sucked it back like she was Chelsey Handler shooting triple distilled Vodka on a sunny beach in Cabo. I felt like such a good mommy so I gave her a little more, and a little more….you get the picture. The next day I was visiting My Mom and I was cuddling baby Morgan on her lazy boy chair when all of the sudden she cooed, stretched her legs and then there was this massive explosion and everything was warm, followed by a very happy baby, two ruined outfits (hers and mine) and a head to toe bath in my mothers kitchen sink. To this day I have never seen anything like that. She was covered in shit, I was covered in shit, our clothes were destroyed. I never gave her prune juice again. 🙂

Kirk was a truck driver back then and he worked shift work, one week days and one week nights. Morgan became my little BFF and we did everything together. She brought me such joy.

Parenting Morgan was a happy time for me and I didn’t realize that Kirk felt left out or not needed. He spent a great deal of time either playing sports with his buddies or watching sports. I was fine with it I was rather busy and happy with life.

In November of 2000 I went Christmas shopping with a friend. I went ridiculously overboard seeing as Morgan was only a year old but I had so much fun doing it. I bought just about every princess toy and trinket available. When I got home I got a phone call from Kirk and he kept saying he had made a major purchase that day and he wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. I was positive it was either a truck or a truck part and I couldn’t have been less interested. Kirk spent a lot of time and money building 4 x 4 trucks to take to the mudhole and beat the guts out of them. After a third time he mentioned it I accused him of trying to start a fight and told him to lay off it I didn’t care.

He arrived home a short time later and interupted me in the kitchen. He was back on the kick “ask me what I bought, ask me?” Finally to get him to stop I halfheartedly asked him what he bought and he said wait I have to do something first. I turned around and looked at him awkwardly fumble in his pants pockets and then drop to his knees and say “Will you be my wife? Will you marry me” I said “yes” immediatley. We hugged and kissed and I allowed him to put the diamond on my finger and then I jumped up and down for a couple of minutes and then I asked if I could call people.

I called my Mom first and I didn’t get the reaction I expected. She made an off handed joke that spoke to her lack of enthusiasm about our engagement. She quickly apologized and we moved on. In my excitement I hung up and called my sister in law Kelly who was super excited for us but I was nagged by my Mom’s comment. My Mom and I have a good relationship and she always told me “never go to bed mad” That always stuck with me and we never really let any hard feelings fester between us. After the initial excitement of the weekend wore off I went to see my Mom and I confronted her. The conversation didn’t go very well and I left feeling worse. My Mom married very young and in that had experienced a lot of hardship and pain, she really truly just wanted what was best in me and at that moment was worried that maybe Kirk wasn’t it.

Kirk didn’t always treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He was a trucker with a trucker mouth and and often he lashed out without thinking and regretted it later. That worried my Mom because obviously she felt I should never be talked down to and Kirk was different then any guy I had ever dated. He challenged me in a way that nobody else had. I can say one thing with absolute certainty, I have never been bored.

I think maybe fifteen minutes passed before Mom called and we cried and made up. You can’t make people’s decisions for them but you certainly can express your concerns if it comes from a place of love. Her want and need to protect me was a Mother’s beautiful love. For the record Kirk and my Mom have a mutual love and respect for each other and if he raises his voice to me now she still doesn’t condone it. I love her for that!

I had a pretty long engagement. There were several reasons for this. We had originally wanted to elope and get married away and when we decided to stay at home and have a small wedding I was adamant about making sure that everything was paid for in advance. I didn’t want to go into our marriage saddled with wedding dept. We managed to accumulate debt quickly enough afterwards.

We had a small wedding on our property at home in July of 2002. It was attended by family and close friends and then we explored the Cabot Trail in Cape Breton for a week. We had a lot of fun. It was relaxing. We were staying at this gorgeous chalet and I got out of the shower one evening and Kirk was sitting in the Jacuzzi with champagne poured and the TV turned so he could watch “Return of the Giant Squid” on The Discovery Channel. So romantic. Fear not my friends that romance has not faded, we went to Grand Cayman Island in the fall and he had me curl up in the King size bed with him with a faint tropical breeze blowing through the window and watch “1000 ways to die” ! That show scares me badly. Eek

On both these trips we did have some very nice and romantic times. My husband is an information junkie and as such his choice of shows doesn’t always fit my mood. Kirk is by far one of the smartest people I now. It surprises people if you just meet him because he is a non suit and tie Oil field Supervisor  who has has more smarts then all the big wig office, three piece suit chair filler types combined. He is a deep thinker who absorbs info like a sponge and very little of it leaks out. He has forgotten more information then most people learn in a lifetime. Just this morning lying in bed I mentioned the Bermuda Triangle and he proceeded to dispell all my myths and tell me all the facts as he believed them. I was in awe but all I recall from the conversation is water, bubbles, porous. I simply cannot retain the information as he does. I absolutely loved history in school but have retained very little of it. Haley was giving us a quiz last light and asked in what year did Paris gift the statue of liberty to New York and Kirk correctly answered 1876. I don’t recall ever knowing that. I am quite obviously not smarter then my daughter the third grader.

Typing this I am wondering if that is a contributing factor to Kirks stress because his head is so full!! Hmmm food for thought. Speaking of food, mine is almost ready.

Before I sign off am going to share with you a little challenge I started with the urging of my longtime friend Sandra. It is a project (Orange Rhino) to try to give up yelling and learning to get your point across in a much better way. My 13 year old is a yeller and I have to yell over her. It gets us nowhere. I have gotten through last night and today. Morgan and Kirk both tried me. Haley said she was proud that I didn’t yell at sissy when she had a meltdown. Yay, almost through day one!! Join me in the challenge and I will share updates on my progress on here. The goal is to reach 365 days yelling free. Did I mention I am purchasing shares in wine!! LOl. Also follow my friend Sandra on her blog for updates and so many fun tips and tricks for busy Moms at!/TheOrangeRhino

Kirk is home for Easter for the first time in FIVE years. Do you think I can get through the weekend YELL free?? Wish me luck 😉

Happy Easter

I am also sharing this for you because I like it. Much to my dismay Kirk makes me listen to country but I like this “feel good” good ol boy song and it reminds me of our younger days in NS driving down the dirt roads.

Thousand Acre Heart-Part 8

Wedding Day, July 13, 2002
Wedding Day, July 13, 2002

I was pretty certain Kirk was crazy about me but he would always ask me if I had heard the Jennifer Paige song “Crush” It was a popular song for the moment and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to tell me he had a “Crush” or that it was “Just a Crush” according to the words of the song or that he just simply liked the song. He hadn’t got around to making his big move yet so there was still room for a bit of uncertainty.

We went with my brother and mutual friends to Keddy’s one night and played Shuffle board. I had never played Shuffle board before but I had a great time and lots of laughs were shared. At the end of the night we were taking a cab to my house to watch a movie and Aerosmith’s “I don’t wanna miss a thing” came on the radio. Kirk took the opportunity then to make his life altering move. He reached for my hand and held it so sweetly and with Stephen Tyler crooning in the background he looked me right in the eye and said “I could stay lost in this moment forever” True Story. It was our wedding song!

Our first kiss was horrible. We were like birds pecking. I remember thinking to myself “Really???” It was nerves and once they wore off I have a much different story to tell 😉

Kirk and I became inseparable. The next night we spent the entire night sitting on my living room floor playing music and spilling our guts. The night turned into the day and we had laughed and cried and sang recycled rock songs at the top of our lungs. We started out with full disclosure. He knew my deep dark secrets, I knew his. We never put up any walls to hide behind and it felt good and real. Over the years I always thought Kirk put me on this pedestal that I couldn’t live up to. He still does see so much more in me then I am ever capable of seeing in myself. Wouldn’t it be great if we could look in a mirror and see ourselves through the eyes of the person who truly loves us.

The next night Kirk took me to the city. We had a nice dinner, hung out with friends and danced till dawn! Famished we stood in a huge line up at the Apple Barrel for a table in the wee hours of that Halifax morning. We met a really fun couple in line and became fast friends. We got a table first so we asked our new friends to sit with us. We thought that they were married, and well they were…just not to each other. Turns out he was in the city on business and her husband was away on business. There was a whole lot of business going on! Funny business. Ugh.

We had fun times and a huge affection for each other. Things escalated really quickly. I still chuckle when I think of when I first moved in with Kirk. I was getting ready for work one morning and he was on his way to work and tried to give me spending money. I said I didn’t need any money and he said he thought I might need lunch money or cab money. Haha I had a job! I had my own money. It was sweet I guess but I had been on my own since I was seventeen, I never depended on anyone for lunch money!

Happiness is a form of courage. I am writing this blog because that is one of the single most valuable pieces of information that I have ever received.  I used to be a “pleaser” I wanted to make sure everyone else was happy but never stopped to think about myself, I thought this was called selflessness but it is really called stupid. If anything was made to be shared it is happiness, but how you can share it if you don’t have any yourself. All the happiness you ever care to find lies within yourself. To claim it you must accept and love yourself. It may sound like a bunch of hot air but it is true. We put a great deal of pressure on our relationships because we expect our partners to make us happy and when we are not happy we are placing the blame on all sorts of things, our spouse, your children, the weather…When you blame someone or something else for your unhappiness, you are abdicating your responsibility for your emotional well-being.  If someone isn’t doing something you like or think they should do by all means have a conversation with them and express your concerns but do not allow the outcome to determine how you feel. Happiness is an inside job . You are responsible for how you think and feel so no matter how anyone else chooses to live their life you get to live yours. Live Large I say!

Anyways I wish I had known this many years ago but I didn’t.

Kirk and I both wanted children badly and we took baby making pretty seriously.  We probably trained more hours a day then most Olympic athletes. lol. It wasn’t long before Morgan was on her way. We certainly did things  little backwards baby first, marriage later. I won’t even begin to explain the logic behind that because though I wouldn’t change a thing I am not about to recommend it. I have been known to waiver on whether I am a fan of marriage or not, mostly because  almost all the weddings I have attended have ended in divorce. I am a fan of marriage, what I am not always a fan of is weddings.  I have seen so many people get caught up in the stress of planning a wedding that they forget what it is really about, a marriage. If the purple flowers your ordered for your wedding show up yellow is this cause for total devastation. No. What that is, is a great story for your grandchildren. Your wedding is for you and should be about you. I have seen sweet and simple girls fall to pieces trying to plan huge weddings and I just don’t understand why. Nobody really cares about the centerpieces, they want a bride, a groom, good food and a dance floor. The number one thing that stands out to me about my wedding is standing at the end of the aisle and just wanting to take my shoes off and run to Kirk. In that moment I knew that we would always be together, even though circumstances  would make me question it several times over the years, standing there at the end of that rose pedaled aisle I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.

Maybe it was more then Crush

To be continued of course….