All Shook Up-Wise Project 2018 #TenaciousTuesday

I have been having a hard time focusing on a single thought to play off of for this week’s blog.

Honestly there are so many ideas and events swirling around in my brain right now, who could pick just one?

atencao

I have been spending a great deal of time on Twitter lately and as punishment for that I have to go back to my Chiropractor today to get them to work on my trick neck. I tell myself I like the news and the debate but I often question how much of my ego gets involved in these Twitter discussions. I try to keep things as civil as I possibly can, but I find more and more that people are ruining people for me. The unintelligent, insincere individuals who are seriously lacking empathy are always the loudest and that is a difficult thing to walk away from.

Wizard Of Oz Brain GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

For two days Twitter has been obsessed with “who bit Beyoncé?” while I have been arguing to the point that my head almost explodes with someone who lacks every single quality that is important when having an in depth debate. I truly have this belief that sometimes we need to listen more, this pertains to me as much as anyone else, I believe that everyone, even those with differing opinions have something to offer us if we are willing to put our ego on a shelf and attend to the conversation without the ultimate goal of being right. The world would be very tiresome if we only spoke with like minded people. Listening is a super power and if we learn to do it correctly we can open our hearts and expand our minds in ways in unimaginable ways.

Fresh Off The Boat Mind Blown GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

That being said, I got involved in a conversation that actually started when a friend shared an article about how the Parkland shooting survivors called out the media for their response to their fight for gun restrictions and noting that though the mainstream media has devoted a vast amount of time to their cause, similar student led anti-gun violence movements in black communities have been largely ignored. David Hogg, one of the Parkland survivors noted a great deal of racial disparity in the way the shooting and the events after have been covered. Not surprisingly, a white male from Western Alberta jumped into the conversation in an all-knowing, my word is fact sort of way and shook me. Until that point I had only watched the conversation from a distance but at the point that he tweeted that the shooting death of 17 year Trayvon Martin was justice for his community because he was a “punk kid” something inside me snapped. However, I calmly asked questions, I am genuinely interested in knowing how people’s brains work so I can understand the world we live in better and try to reconcile how we ended up in this place of heightened Us vs. Them mentality and the quickly diminishing sense of shared humanity. I fully admit that my ego gets involved often but I do genuinely want to learn and I like healthy engagement. What I cannot stand is people presenting their opinions and calling them fact. There is a huge difference between opinion and fact.

Opinion:

A view that somebody takes about an issue, especially when it is based solely on personal judgement.

Fact:

Something that can be proven to be true, to exist or have happened.

Most of us hold our beliefs to be true, we are fairly firm in our beliefs, that does not  make them fact and that variance is often the difference between calm, cool and collected Michelle and the other Michelle, ‘Oh hey meet crazy bitch!”

I have a lot of words to describe the person that I debated with on Twitter, it would be wrong and careless of me to use his real name and the other names that quickly come to mind are just way beneath my level of maturity, or at least I will pretend they are for this blog post. I am going to call him Gary, because I met a sleazy car salesman once that reminded me of this guy. I apologize in advance to anyone named Gary.

So, for the next day Gary continued to try to educate myself and others using what he called facts, which were actually just really horrible opinions to justify the death of 17 year old Trayvon Martin. His dialogue was not clever, it was void of empathy and his logic was completely non existent. He continued to tag me in his muddled, haphazard ramblings and I continued to respond. At a certain point I lost my cool and called him a fucking buffoon. (I stand by that statement) and I also used his love of Nickelback as a weapon against him.

So, I guess the point is I didn’t accomplish anything with Gary. I am not better from having had this conversation; in fact it consumed some of my energy and left me with an aching neck and a general feeling of disillusionment.

That being said, there were other people involved in this conversation that gave me hope; some intelligent, eloquent, funny, even angry people. I often imagine being at a party with these people and wonder who I could have the most fascinating conversation with. I appreciate people are passionate and not afraid to be heard. Though I would like to find a favorable balance on the internet I am not about to allow people like Gary to suck up all my energy. Nor am I going to get small and quiet.

I have a huge issue with people putting shitty information out into the world and calling it fact. It happens way too often and I think we have all been guilty of seeing something on the internet and sharing it because we “Assume” it is true. We talk all day about fake news while sharing fake news. I think it is wrong and I think it takes away significantly from things that should be newsworthy. We are all responsible to change that.

I am willing to accept that we will not always agree and I am willing to accept that our experiences are different and even though we could be involved in the same exact same incident our perception of that incident will likely differ.

What I will continue to be vocal about is injustice, truth and perspective and I will continue to support people that are passionate about causes and tirelessly fight and shine their lights every single day. These people are the lighthouses that we need in this often dark world. When the world gets to me and my own light is dim and my spirits are dampened it is these beacon of lights that keep me from crashing against the rocks and getting swallowed by the vicious waves.

If I can ask one thing of you today it is to be vigilant in what you post and share. If you are sharing information designed to create and heighten fear or discredit people fighting for change you are part of a huge problem. If you believe strongly about something there are a thousand ways for you to get involved, that doesn’t have to include hating on the people going out and fighting for the causes they believe in.

If you cannot do that one thing just do nothing. If you cannot help, do not harm.

 

Empty Places-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

Our lives are busy, full of constant movement! Sometimes the most luxurious thing I can think of is sitting still. As part of my W.I.S.E. principles this month I am trying to educate myself on the art of sitting still, the silent movement and meditation. I wasn’t aware that there was such a thing as Black Hole Resorts where people give up hundreds of dollars a day to give up their cell phones and disconnect with the world and reconnect with themselves. Indulging in digital disconnect. It really shows you where we are as a society.

We are thrill seekers, adventure junkies, craving exhilaration and feeling alive when sometimes what we really need is to sit still for just a moment. To breath. To live.

So much of our lives take place inside our head, in memories, imagination, speculation and interpretation. The adventures and thrills we live are best re-lived when we take a moment to pause and recall them.

Never have we lived in a time that we were afforded so many time saving devices, but I know that for me these time saving devices are costing me valuable time. I would be afraid to know just how much mindless time I spend scrolling through my smartphone and all of my social media.  We live in a time where we are blessed to be able to be in contact with people all over the world but we are losing contact with ourselves. We are not making wise use of the technology that has been handed to us and therefore we are feeling more disconnected than ever.

I don’t want to misquote here so this is more of an interpretation than anything; my daughter’s music teacher was explaining the purpose of a pause (or break) in the song my daughter was practicing. Besides giving the singer time for air, a well placed thoughtful pause gives a song its beauty because empty spaces give our imagination room to breath. Emily Zinger I hope I have understood that correctly.

I had a very quick lunch with my husband in my office and now I am going to take my last ten minutes before our “Beer Tasting” afternoon meeting. (yup my job is hard) to find some beauty in the empty spaces.

“Make an empty space in any corner of your mind and creativity will immediately fill it!” – Dee Hock

Be W.I.S.E. friends and chat soon.

xo

Michelle

Eternal Optimist -February Journal Notes -W.I.S.E Project

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Someone once referred to me as  “Michelle the Eternal Optimist”, in the context that it was said it was hurled at me intending to be an insult. Once I tripped the offender, tied them up with dirty socks and made them sniff dog farts they changed their mind and decided it was a compliment. I like being an Optimist, I think pessimism is a really unattractive quality and I prefer to be around hopeful people.

I put the above quote on the white board in my office and it has been so helpful to me. In doing this project and I think this applies to any  lifestyle change; you will experience  ups and downs and what can feel like two steps forward and three steps back at times. I went into this so excited and I made a bunch of changes immediately, kept up on my journal and then some things changed. Not all of it was bad, I am still proud of the changes I have made and honestly I am proud of where I am at. I started writing again, I started a book several years ago and I was inspired to pick it up again. It’s fiction which I have always loved. I love creating characters, giving them personalities, bringing them to life through their experiences and their struggles. The largest problem I have with writing fiction is that I tend to get pretty involved in the characters lives, if they are happy I am happy and if they are struggling I feel that stress. I set a goal this weekend of 10 000 words, which I am happy to say that I exceeded by 11 words. Some of it was pretty emotional and every night I was mentally exhausted by 8 pm. I need to complete this book, for myself. These characters mean something to me (which I know sounds silly), but several times over the years I have picked it back up. Maybe seeing them through their struggles is therapeutic for me, I can’t say for sure but I know that they are important to me and I feel that I need to give them closure someday.

I feel like spending all my free time writing has taken me from other things but one of the biggest things I have done for my mental health in the past 6 months is to change my expectations. I have tried to eliminate the expectations I have of others so that I am continually surprised pleasantly instead of disappointed. I feel I owed myself the very same courtesy. I don’t feel that I have failed myself, I just feel that things look differently this month then I set out for them to be.

One of my wise principles for this once was INSPIRE and something inspired me to write again and that is a beautiful thing. I remember 23 three days ago searching books and documentaries wanting so badly to feel inspired. Sometimes inspiration comes from unlikely places and may not look like you intended.

Worthy-I continue to treat myself like I am worthy by treating myself better, choosing food, activities and hobbies that are good for me and spending time with people that are a positive influence on me. I also take time for me when I need it. My kids continue to be mystified as to why I would want time to myself and they are very persuasive when they want ‘Mom’ time. I know that a day will come when I wish I could have them with me playing scrabble or curled up watching mindless TV so I am learning to put unimportant things aside and embrace the opportunities now to be with them. Being their Mom makes me feel extremely worthy!

Simplify- I have simplified by taking on less and only doing things that I truly want to do, saying ‘No’ more and enjoying my free time without guilt. I have also simplified by pre-prepping meals for the week and making shopping easier by buying mostly fresh. I spend of most my time in a circle at the outer edges of the grocery store. I always felt I bought convenience foods because they made my life easier but I am now positive that that is something that media leads us to believe. Fresh is easy, simple and the better choice.


 

Empower- I hope to touch even one person with this project, to empower them to make changes and lead a better, more mindful, more positive life. I started this project because I felt like everything was a chore, I was going through the motions without truly enjoying my life and it wasn’t a good feeling. I feel so much happier and much more fulfilled.  There is not a perfect life, choosing to be happy does not mean everything is superb, it means you are grateful and appreciate what you have and make a conscious effort to lead a positive and fulfilling life.

In being more mindful I have learned to un-complicate things. There is a certain beauty in simplicity.

We never noticed the beauty because we were to busy trying to create it.

We are nearing the end of Fabulous February. Be W.I.S.E. Remember that you are worthy of happiness and a fulfilling life. Find inspiration in unlikely places. Save complicated for someone else and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Empower yourself and take a moment to share that power with others.

P.S.

After I stopped trying to find inspiration, it fell in my lap in many different forms. I was at a Combat Crime evening with my daughter who was presenting for ‘Bright Ideas’ a text a buddy app to help youth who were being bullied, suffered depression or simply needed a friend. I was inspired to tears by her and all of the other youth leaders. I spent some time with an inspiring friend who runs a heart warming project called Love Letters 2 Strangers that never fails to remind me about the good in people.

I was sitting in my truck waiting for my daughter and mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. I saw that my friend Robb Scott had posted a video. Robb is a talented artist but he also has this insatiable need for attention. I always describe him as ‘sideways’ and I mean it in the best possible way. His antics have made me laugh till there are tears running down my cheeks. The video he posted that day was not funny, but it was one of the most honest and heartfelt things I have ever seen. I love the real emotion that he captured sitting in his vehicle telling the world about something very important to him, Down Syndrome. I cannot tell you how much his words touched my heart. The video has gone viral, as it should, it is a positive and uplifting message. I was sharing the video on twitter and what struck me when using the hashtag #DownSyndrome was how many people use that hastag to insult others. The ignorance is astounding. I read a post from a mother whose friend said “How’s your down’s girl?” Not, “how is your daughter or how is Bethany?” I can’t imagine how hurt I would be if someone said “How is your gay girl?” How ignorant to not see someone for their abilities, their strengths, their individuality. To look at someone and only see their differences or their limitations we have failed ourselves in my opinion.

This video has really opened my eyes wide and I hope that you will take a moment to watch it and please share it with others. In my opinion we are a society that is way to quick to share hate…spread some love and knowledge today.

Father’s emotion defense of Down Syndrome sparks outpouring

Diary of a Whiny Bitch!

On my way to work a couple of days ago I found myself in tears at a red light; in fact I am tearing up just thinking about it. I was thinking about an argument that I had with my husband that morning that really shouldn’t have been an argument at all, it should have been two people supporting and encouraging each other but it turned into a pissing match over who was busier, whose day was the fullest, who put in the most effort. There wasn’t a winner and nor should there have been and at that moment I was feeling apologetic that those few minutes we are lucky enough to get together in the morning were wasted.

I was sitting at that red light with hot tears threatening to spill down my cheeks and ruin the make up I had carefully applied in the five minutes I had between making sure my daughters were out of bed and had something to eat before I ran out the door for work crossing my fingers that they would get to school on time. The haunting melody to James Blunts 1973 catapulted me out of my trance to answer the incoming call from my husband. 1973 is his ringtone not just because it is the year of his birth but because we have often danced to that the song when it comes on the radio. There just doesn’t seem to a be a lot of time to dance lately.

My husband had been working in the Alberta Oil sands for seven years. That is seven long years, working long hours in extreme weather and living in remote camps away from his family for 250 days out of a 365 day year. Circumstances led to him deciding to come home and try to run his business in Edmonton. It means even longer hours, a lot of worry about making ends meet and a great deal of faith but we all go to bed under the same roof every night and that is huge. I have returned to work full time as well so my job, my volunteer work, shuffling my kids activities and trying to make sure that my house doesn’t resemble a college dorm (and smell like one) gives me very little time to dedicate to my own sanity. My husband’s business is in infancy so he doesn’t have time to help me and I don’t have time to help him.

Insert frustration, lack of sleep, worry, not enough vegetables in your diet, yelling in place of talking, fear of epic mom failures and waking up with gray hairs where your eyebrows used to be and then the waterworks begin.

For ten days I have been promising myself a glass of wine and a kit kat bar. A “give myself a break” reward. In ten days I haven’t found the time. I really need to get my priorities straight!

As soon as I get to that last load of laundry, go on my fourteen year old daughters school zone which I haven’t signed into in six months (she swears she doesn’t have homework) and convince my 9 year old the importance of taking baths and showers I will get to it. The wine is waiting…..waiting….waiting. I hope it doesn’t turn to vinegar.

I was watching a show on my laptop in bed the other night and I remember the days where I used to envy an actresses hair, body or trendy clothes. Now I just envy how clean the houses are on TV. I am getting older by the second and my laundry is piling up, dust is accumulating in corners and the dishes that have not broken are in the dishwasher. The hot bath I had planned turned into a quick tepid shower followed by my oldest daughters forty five minute tropical shower.

I eat left-overs, I wear left overs, I pull grey hair out of places that shouldn’t even have hair, I calculate bills and schedules in my head as soon as it hits the pillows. I dream of days where there is nothing to do. I yell a lot and yet nobody hears me, I go to the store to get milk and come home with an armload of groceries and no milk.

I am a MOTHER, hear me ROAR, Ok I know, it sounds more like a yawn!! It’s 8 pm and I am yawning. My bottle of wine is looking at me disapprovingly, mockingly as if I’ve done it some disservice. I have no milk and no gas and very little patience.

I had a great laugh tonight with a friend about vaginas, penises, pasta salad and poop. I needed it and it is in those moments that I am reminded how lucky I really am. My kids are doing OK, they have food to eat, clothes to wear and they love their mama. Today they even cleaned the house and made cupcakes. I have a husband who works harder then any man I know and still asks me to dance at the end of the day. I don’t have a model’s body, a millionaires money, a show home, the patience of a saint or a mother of the year award but this whiny bitch has five free minutes, an open bottle of wine and 5 confetti cupcakes….dare me???

Love you all and happy Easter xoxox
Michelle

Mom’s everywhere, watch this and then pat yourself on the back because you ROCK!! Especially mine!

Shit No Bricks

shit no bricks courtesy of URBAN DICTIONARY

Dec 21

An exhortation to be calm and take things in stride – akin to “get a grip” or “chill”.

E.G. Well, the Republicans won the Presidency again, but shit no bricks, my fellow Americans, Socialism is on its way.

Photo courtesy of http://www.yourstellarstar.com

Staycation is making me boring, unable to form strong convictions about anything that lasts for more than a fleeting moment and then I am on to the next thing. Things that would regularly annoy me bring little more than a half-hearted sign and things that would normally excite me perhaps a half-smile at best.

Admittedly I am a Facebook user. In fact I use a lot of social media and probably spend a little too much time on my phone flipping through them. I do enjoy keeping up with you and knowing that you are doing well, I am happy when your kids win a game or an award or your significant other brought you flowers. I even OCCASIONALLY think that the picture you took of your lunch looks tasty. I often read the stories you share but though I like to know what is going on in the world I can only handle so much bad. I am the kind of person that can get buried pretty quickly in fear and disillusionment so I prefer your stories of the good that happens in the world, look around you, there is still beauty and goodness all around us. It is all in what we choose to see.

One thing is certain though FACEBOOK has turned us into a bunch of pansy assed passive aggressive whiners!! Now I don’t mean all of you but truthfully you all have that friend that posts the vague status update designed to make their friends ask “Are you alright? to which they reply “I don’t want to talk about it” if they reply at all. YOU FAIL AT FACEBOOK. You should use the phone a friend (or therapist) option.

What about the one who posts statuses complaining about their relationship daily and complaining they are done. Five minutes later they are taking selfies with the hastag #loveofmylife! You can delete the bad things you say from your timeline but you cannot erase it from our minds. You become “that friend”! The one who likes to complain for attention. Find another hobby. If I told Facebook every time my husband pissed me off I hope someone would tell me to grow up. I feel it would be hugely disrespectful to both of us and our relationship.

It is your Facebook though and you can say and do what you want. That is all I have to say about that!

My Take on the Phil Robertson Scandal.
I never caught onto the Duck Dynasty craze as quickly as everyone else but after everyone started talking about it I admit I watched a Marathon on A&E one day and I laughed. My take on the Phil Robertson scandal is really that I don’t have a strong opinion on it either way. For one, I think they are Phil’s opinions as a Redneck Louisiana Christian and his interpretation of the bible. Being as that he is on a reality show and as such keeping it “real” shouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. On the other hand he does represent the A&E Network and they have every right to decide how his “opinions” affect their branding and if they want to continue their association with him. I think the Duck Dynasty franchise would suffer greatly without Phil though and I admit that I probably interpreted his comments much differently then some of you. I don’t think he was comparing homosexuality to bestiality, I think he was naming sins and those were among them. In his thinking both are sins, not one better or worse than the other…just illogical sins. He also didn’t speak for all Christians, he spoke for himself. I dare say that many Christians would have a similar opinion and some would vary greatly. Perhaps on a different day I would feel differently but today I feel that his opinion doesn’t affect my life and you could say “Why should it? you are clearly not a homosexual!” and you would be correct. However if I am happy with my life and feel like I am living it well and not hurting anyone why would a stranger on TV’s opinion matter to me? I know many happy, well-adjusted Gay and lesbian couples and I am fairly certain that they are enjoying their Saturday night with very little concern for how Phil Robertson views their relationship. I think Katy Perry and John Mayer say it best….”You love who you love….”

OK that will probably get me hate mail but it is just the way I feel….right now at this moment. I was reading some threads on the subject and interestingly Heterosexuals seemed to be very up in arms about it and Homosexuals seemed to take it in stride, even making jokes. Now if Phil Robertson was Jesus Christ almighty or the president or a lawmaker then I would definitely have a stronger opinion but let’s face it he is a god-fearing Louisiana Redneck with an opinion, that is all!

I believe in God. I believe the Bible is years of interpretation (and often misinterpretation) I do not believe Homosexuals are going to hell. I actually give very little thought to hell unless it pertains to people who commit crimes against children and humanity, unspeakable crimes. Homosexuality in my mind is not a crime. I could go on and piss a lot more people off but the truth is my opinion shouldn’t matter to anyone but me and anytime you put God and homosexual in the same sentence you are bound to stir up a heated shit-storm so I am going to back away gracefully! Every one has the right to love and be loved. Love yourself, love god, live a good life and forgive those who do not understand.

I need to get my nine-year old away from the TV. She is watching Dance Moms and it is a terrible show, it will fry her brain. My opinions are my own.

One last thing, My friend Shaz over at For The Love of Sass is celebrating her one year Blogiversary and she touched my heart with a really nice message to me. Head on over and show her some love and say Happy Anniversary! http://4theloveofsass.wordpress.com/2014/01/04/1-whole-year-of-blogging-bliss-happy-blogiversary-to-me/

xx
Michelle