It was 1986 when the Bangles Susanna Hoff’s crooned in her soulful voice about having to catch an early train, in her dream she had been kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream when her alarm went off. With her soft brown eyes and her impassioned voice she made us believe that it was just another Manic Monday and how she wished it were Sunday, because that was her fun day. Oh Susanna I feel you. I have never been great at Monday’s, Tuesday is my bitch, but all the same I try to make the best of them but today ‘Monday’ and I were way out of sync.

I had been away on the weekend and when I returned my daughter told me about something that had been bothering her. She had deliberately not mentioned it to me because she didn’t want to upset me. Initially I just laughed it off. It was rather ridiculous and I was not going to waste my time on it. That seemed to make my daughter feel better, almost as if I gave her permission to not be upset about it. I went to bed and slept like a baby. I woke having to pee and held off as long as possible when I decided to get up to relieve myself, let the dogs out and get ready for Monday, everybody’s favorite day.

After I let the dogs out I turned around to check out the microwave clock to discover that it was 4:30 am. That seemed like good news because I could crawl back into the cocoon I had made with fuzzy blankets and pillows (because I am a 43 year old child). I laid in my warm and safe cocoon wide awake as the seconds turned into minutes and the minutes disappeared into the hours. If I had to guess I would say I passed out at the very moment my alarm went off. My alarm plays James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful so it is hard to be mad but all the same I woke up fit to be tied. I was angry and angry at myself for being angry. I decided that I was angry about the conversation my daughter and I had had the night before, even though I had chosen to laugh it off because it was so stupid. So now, here I was starting off a perfectly good day annoyed about something stupid.

I got ready for work and that went smoothly. I put my make-up on using all the right steps in the right order. Laugh if you will but it is harder now with all the steps the youngins are doing with the contouring and the highlighting and the moisturizing with the tears of kittens. It is a process and because I have attempted to stuff so much information into my brain in 43 years some of it leaks out frequently and I have been known to occasionally do all of the steps but in the wrong order. Most Monday’s I am just a mess of mascara and kitten tears but not today!! Today the make-up turned out well, I even took a selfie to make sure. I even smiled in my selfie. I take my morning selfies in my bathroom, against a white wall, in perfect bathroom lighting so I have no idea how I look in the real world to real people but in my little bathroom world I looked good to go. I often don’t smile in my bathroom selfies because then all of the lines around my eyes appear. If I do the sophisticated stare then I can usually get away with just a few faint lines but I am getting less self conscious about those lines day by day. I earned every single one of those damn lines. They are warrior goddess lines!! I am not quite at peace with the shock white eyebrow hairs that appear daily to mock me though. I met my husband in Calgary on the weekend and over a nice breakfast he leaned in romantically and told me to stay still. I held my warrior goddess pose and puckered up my lips expecting a kiss when he gently plucked a white hair out of my eyebrow. I thanked him of course, it made me feel so sexy!!

I was driving my youngest to school this morning and I was immediately annoyed that someone turned my radio station. My weekday staple is Now Radio with Crash and Mars (and the Ginge). She wished me a good day and I spent the rest of my commute trying not to be annoyed and half singing along with that Justin Beiber song he does with D.J. Snake. I can pretend not to like the Biebs just like the rest of you but I see you mouthing the words in your little Toyota Camry’s.

Work started like any other Monday and I can’t even point out anything bad that happened but it seemed to fade away in a mass of huge un-productively. I cannot pinpoint anything I did of great value to earn my salary today and yet it was 1:30 p.m. before I found the time in my unremarkable day to make a cup of coffee.

My youngest daughter texted me in the afternoon from school because she was in the second cut for the talent show and the teachers wanted to know what she would be wearing. She wants to wear jeans and that is what she wore today, on their request, that she wear what she intended on wearing for the talent show. She said they wanted her to wear a dress. I replied “O.K. so wear a dress” She replied that they wanted to see it, they wanted to make sure it wasn’t slutty. That sent me right off the rails. My 12 year old daughter who dresses in jeans and tees or athletic wear is being asked to have her clothing approved so it is not slutty. Upon further Mom investigation it turns out they had some problems last year with inappropriate dress. They referred to it as slutty but since these are kids I would prefer to use a term that when you google it does not bring up prostitute or dirty whore. I totally get the need and want for appropriate dress but is it really commonplace for teachers to use the word slutty? I thought we had evolved past shaming kids. I called the school but got their voicemail. That is probably for the best.

I picked up some groceries after work and then came home to a quiet house. Normally I would LOVE this but it annoyed me today. I guess I figured everyone should meet me at the doors with cheers and ‘hooray you are home’ banter. Annoyed seemed to be the theme of the day. I puttered around for awhile on my own and then decided to make myself a veggie omelette. I took it to my room with some happy water and a glass of wine. Maybe I need carbs or chocolate. Who knows.

My Collie Cross is looking at me with his endless pool of hickory colored eyes, warm like a blanket and full of love. I imagine him saying ‘I want to take your pain away mommy’.

We need more dogs and less people in the world. I am pretty sure that is the answer to whatever the question is. Dogs, wine, log cabins and chocolate. That is life.

I feel a little better now, even though I have just let the world know how crazy I can be. I am sure we have all had a Manic Monday. Don’t worry Tuesday is coming and Tuesday is my bitch. I got this!

Have a fantastic Tuesday!!