Working Man-Building a strong family


I don’t really believe that there is women’s work and men’s work. I believe that gender roles should be equal but that being said somehow in my marriage we fell into more of traditional roles and I have been lucky enough to not have to get my hands dirty changing my oil, changing tires or taking out the toilet all three times our children decided to flush something that didn’t belong.

About a year and half ago I quit my job. My husband and I thought it was important that I have more time for our children with him away. Initially trepidatious I agreed it was for the best.  I do some work from home and I am a volunteer board member for a local league.  I am a full time wife, mother, cook, taxi driver and role model.

Do not misinterpret this to mean that I love picking up dirty socks or dirty dishes.  I don’t and I can safely say that though my family does not readily change their heathen ways it is not from lack of trying. My displeasure is known and though it would be easier I don’t do it for them. If I have to ask ten times it gets louder everytime and eventually the socks will get picked up.

My husband is away for work more then he is home and I know when he is there everybody wants a piece of him. His phone rings steady, people are in his ear and he is responsible for a crew of young guys that he affectionately calls his kids.

One day last week I was on the phone bitching to him about trying to get our daughter out of bed for school and he asked if I would like to trade him and get five thirteen year olds out of bed in the morning. I changed the subject of the conversation. 

Both if us have our roles and he is exceptional at his and I handle mine. Sometimes we struggle silently because part of our roles as husband and wife is too lift each other up, not weight each other down with complaints. When you live apart from each other sometimes part of supporting each other is learning to lean on yourself.  It’s a unique situation for certain and I don’t know that I will ever master it but I know that I won’t stop trying.

I know that my husband doesn’t tell me everyday how lonesome it gets living up North, how hard it is to miss your childrens special moments and get up and go to work each day, everyday knowing how many people are depending on him.

In turn I try to make sure that all the business here gets taken care of. The children are fed, educated and active, I volunteer at their school and their league, the business paperwork is done on time and I teach our girls about hard work, about integrity, about accountability and about the value of a dollar. I try to have a little life for myself because it is important for me and for them to see.

Our roles are very different but equally important.  I know I miss Kirk somedays more then I say and I definitely appreciate him more then I could ever express. I know that he makes our lives possible  and in turn we make his possible. We are all doing our best and continuing to learn. I do not define him nor he me but I believe that we make each other better!

Our kids are growing up with a family that doesn’t all get to sit down at the dinner table together every night but they are being given opportunities that neigher my husband and I had as children.

Families don’t fit into a little box like they used to. That perfect fifties style family with the Mom serving dinner in a dress to a suit and tie dad while her well groomed children say their prayers and talk about their day over meatloaf and pie!

Tell me about your unique family!


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4 thoughts on “Working Man-Building a strong family

  1. It is definately a job being a housewife, mother, taxi etc., my husband was self employed & I done the book work. Our first few years i cooked for men in the woods , let me tell you all those dirty socks in the bunk house i was never impressed cleaning. But as the children got older, i stayed at home. He retired almost 17 years ago & that i am happy about, he is only 65. Darn long hours , i said we worked 8 days a week. lot of headaches too..

  2. I always said man and woman are different, our brains functions different and that is not me saying that is plain science. When I say different people or some people mistake it that woman are inferior and that´s not the case but since our brains function different in most cases well woman are better at doing certain things than man are and vice versa, that´s in general, there´s always the exceptions. And stay at home mom you are? That´s has to rank up there as the toughest jobs, I can only feel sorry for my poor mom.

    By the way, the first picture,nice, was the beautiful great Golden gate bridge where I lived for some years(not under the bridge but in San Francisco) and now I know in our previous conversation, why you married this guy and said he was tough, look at him, he´s a stud.

  3. Forgot, want to know about other families…
    I was raised by a single parent, mommy! my father was always at work and really haven´t know him up until my early twenties, but he´s a good man he always worked hard to provide for the family. When I was 10 years in came little Sara, my little sister, and I was the one that did sort of the dad role, plus I did slap around, when she was in her teenage years, and me the tough army guy some kid that I thought would take her the wrong road. Curious enough I´m the one who took the wrong road but she at least didn´t. She´s working now on what she likes and making her own way. But I don´t like her boyfriend.
    My mother, I do remember, and to this day, if you are at her home, the family is there meaning me, little sister and dad, and she say´s dinner is ready you better leave whatever it is your doing and get your ass to the table and all sit around, even now that we are grown up and each is doing his or her own thing, doesn´t matter, mom says lunch is served and we all jump up like scared little girls and go right to the table. I call her Mommy Rambo, or sergeant, she´s actually worst than real sergeants I had in the army. We sit down and mostly bullshit, that´s something about my family….my mother does have an ironic-dark sense of humour which by the way has lighten up things in our family when we had some rough patches. So I guess is her fault that I have it too. No family is perfect right, plus I wouldn´t want to live in a perfect family it would be fucking boring.

    1. You are right perfect would be boring. I do agree that our brains function different. ..much different. I still have not come to terms with the term “stay at home mom” but I know how blessed I am for the opportunity. My dad died when I was 16 so my older brother tried to step into that role. I hated him for it till years later when I was mature enough to understand!
      I love that your Mom has a sense of humor. I think laughter is important! ! Thanks for sharing.

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