I have been absentee from my life for the last week because I have been lost. Lost in a web of pain, fear, memories. ..
I have a thirteen year old daughter who overnight went from being a sweet and loving young lady to being an angry, hateful, spiteful entitled animal.
She wants to push the boundaries that we as parents put in place to keep her safe and to shape her into a warm, smart, caring and accountable adult and that I completely understand but she refuses to accept any of the responsibilities that come with the freedom she longs for. I try very hard to understand. I remember the emotional turmoil and anger, I was a teenage girl. Hormones suck and friends understand better then I do, I get it.
I talk to her openly and candidly, I accept her friends, I allow her their constant presence in my house even though I often long for a quiet night. I ask only in return that she take responsibility for her friends. I am not a maid. When I clean up 20 water bottles with just sips out of them, popsicle wrappers, popsicle sticks, half eaten fruit swarming with fruit flies, slushies in the bathroom, dirty laundry everywhere I want to cry. I make deals, give ultimatums, believe the promises only to be disappointed on a daily basis. My sugar and spice and everything nice girl turns to fire and ice and won’t think twice about accountability or consequences if she is not getting her own way.
Don’t I have a responsibility as a parent to love her enough to make her see how important it is for her to respect herself and her family? Apparently not.
According to her friends mother I am wrong. I need to just accept it. What will be will be. That is basically what she said when she showed up at my door tonight with my daughter who had been missing for hours. I had called and messaged her with no response. As a parent if her child were here I would have let her know she was safe.
I had reached my tolerance level this afternoon when I asked my daughter to go. The blatant disregard for me became too much. Being cursed at, talked down to, told that she was going do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.
Her friends talk to me. They are here for days on end. I know what lazy parenting is doing for them and it is nothing good.
I miss my little girl. I realize that I may lose her for a little bit because right now I need to be more of a parent and less of a friend. It is my responsibility to make sure she is safe, not for me to be popular with her. I need to teach her that bad actions have consequences, not rewards. Honestly is rewarded. Accountability, learn it. It is a lesson I will teach everyday. Love. I will love her to the ends of the earth no matter what, even the days when I don’t like her very much. I will teach her the importance of loving herself and being someone she can be proud of.
Maybe I won’t be cool or popular for awhile but I am tough, I will handle it. One day she will thank me, of that I am certain.
Tonight when she came home expecting a fight I approached her with compassionate grace. I will thank a dear friend for that advice.
I am sad and heartbroken but I showed her that I love her enough to care about the person she comes. Trust me it would be so much easier to turn a blind eye. Parenting is not the easy way out but I refuse to believe it is the wrong way.
One day I will comfort this beautiful girl when her own child breaks her heart into a thousand pieces and I hope that she will step up and be the person she was raised to be.
the uncool mom