Morgan Alyssa DeBay was born Nov 8, 1999. She was amazing. I had a healthy uneventful pregnancy but a tornado of a delivery. I went to the hospital because my fluid was leaking and within half an hour of sending Kirk to work and being told I wasn’t in labour or dilated I was holding our beautiful daughter. Speedy deliveries are great for several obvious reasons but overwhelming to say the least. The recovery time is quicker though because being in labour for hours is traumatic and you are deprived of sleep. Being as I wasn’t in labor the nurse told Kirk to go to work so I could get some rest. Luckily my Mom was on her way into the hospital as Kirk was leaving and she did call him to come back but he missed the entire delivery. His Mom made it just in time and was able to cut Morgan’s chord and help keep me calm. It was an exciting time. Kirk was so proud and I will never forget the way he looked at her, like she was a miracle that had transformed his whole life. For me I felt that I had been given a second chance. I pictured my babies face a lot in those couple of days in the hospital and hoped that somewhere he was happy and blissfully loved and that someday he would understand and be proud of me. Even though the adoption was closed it never felt like a closed book to me. I always felt that I would fulfil the chapters of my life and one day he would be a main character in it. It was probably extremely naive but it was a star that guided me through the darkest of nights.
Morgan was a perfect baby and she fullfilled in me the need to nuture and mother. Kirk was a wondeful father, a child himself really so getting down on the floor and playing, and being silly was right up his alley. When you become parents there is a definite divide, or at least there was for us, Kirk was the fun one and I was the parent. These roles collided periodically and of course still do and I am certainly capable of having fun but I don’t think my children would hesitate to name Kirk as the fun one if given the choice.
As I said Morgan was perfect. She was so beautiful and though she came early and in an extremely big hurry within a month I had managed to fatten her up and she was so healthy and chubby. At a little over a month old she was sleeping 8-10 hours overnight and she barely cried except whe she had gas or was constipated. The doctor insisted I keep her on Similac with Iron because she was born early but it made her constipated so my Mom suggested I give her a little prune juice. The operative words here being a little. She loved it, sucked it back like she was Chelsey Handler shooting triple distilled Vodka on a sunny beach in Cabo. I felt like such a good mommy so I gave her a little more, and a little more….you get the picture. The next day I was visiting My Mom and I was cuddling baby Morgan on her lazy boy chair when all of the sudden she cooed, stretched her legs and then there was this massive explosion and everything was warm, followed by a very happy baby, two ruined outfits (hers and mine) and a head to toe bath in my mothers kitchen sink. To this day I have never seen anything like that. She was covered in shit, I was covered in shit, our clothes were destroyed. I never gave her prune juice again. 🙂
Kirk was a truck driver back then and he worked shift work, one week days and one week nights. Morgan became my little BFF and we did everything together. She brought me such joy.
Parenting Morgan was a happy time for me and I didn’t realize that Kirk felt left out or not needed. He spent a great deal of time either playing sports with his buddies or watching sports. I was fine with it I was rather busy and happy with life.
In November of 2000 I went Christmas shopping with a friend. I went ridiculously overboard seeing as Morgan was only a year old but I had so much fun doing it. I bought just about every princess toy and trinket available. When I got home I got a phone call from Kirk and he kept saying he had made a major purchase that day and he wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. I was positive it was either a truck or a truck part and I couldn’t have been less interested. Kirk spent a lot of time and money building 4 x 4 trucks to take to the mudhole and beat the guts out of them. After a third time he mentioned it I accused him of trying to start a fight and told him to lay off it I didn’t care.
He arrived home a short time later and interupted me in the kitchen. He was back on the kick “ask me what I bought, ask me?” Finally to get him to stop I halfheartedly asked him what he bought and he said wait I have to do something first. I turned around and looked at him awkwardly fumble in his pants pockets and then drop to his knees and say “Will you be my wife? Will you marry me” I said “yes” immediatley. We hugged and kissed and I allowed him to put the diamond on my finger and then I jumped up and down for a couple of minutes and then I asked if I could call people.
I called my Mom first and I didn’t get the reaction I expected. She made an off handed joke that spoke to her lack of enthusiasm about our engagement. She quickly apologized and we moved on. In my excitement I hung up and called my sister in law Kelly who was super excited for us but I was nagged by my Mom’s comment. My Mom and I have a good relationship and she always told me “never go to bed mad” That always stuck with me and we never really let any hard feelings fester between us. After the initial excitement of the weekend wore off I went to see my Mom and I confronted her. The conversation didn’t go very well and I left feeling worse. My Mom married very young and in that had experienced a lot of hardship and pain, she really truly just wanted what was best in me and at that moment was worried that maybe Kirk wasn’t it.
Kirk didn’t always treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He was a trucker with a trucker mouth and and often he lashed out without thinking and regretted it later. That worried my Mom because obviously she felt I should never be talked down to and Kirk was different then any guy I had ever dated. He challenged me in a way that nobody else had. I can say one thing with absolute certainty, I have never been bored.
I think maybe fifteen minutes passed before Mom called and we cried and made up. You can’t make people’s decisions for them but you certainly can express your concerns if it comes from a place of love. Her want and need to protect me was a Mother’s beautiful love. For the record Kirk and my Mom have a mutual love and respect for each other and if he raises his voice to me now she still doesn’t condone it. I love her for that!
I had a pretty long engagement. There were several reasons for this. We had originally wanted to elope and get married away and when we decided to stay at home and have a small wedding I was adamant about making sure that everything was paid for in advance. I didn’t want to go into our marriage saddled with wedding dept. We managed to accumulate debt quickly enough afterwards.
We had a small wedding on our property at home in July of 2002. It was attended by family and close friends and then we explored the Cabot Trail in Cape Breton for a week. We had a lot of fun. It was relaxing. We were staying at this gorgeous chalet and I got out of the shower one evening and Kirk was sitting in the Jacuzzi with champagne poured and the TV turned so he could watch “Return of the Giant Squid” on The Discovery Channel. So romantic. Fear not my friends that romance has not faded, we went to Grand Cayman Island in the fall and he had me curl up in the King size bed with him with a faint tropical breeze blowing through the window and watch “1000 ways to die” ! That show scares me badly. Eek
On both these trips we did have some very nice and romantic times. My husband is an information junkie and as such his choice of shows doesn’t always fit my mood. Kirk is by far one of the smartest people I now. It surprises people if you just meet him because he is a non suit and tie Oil field Supervisor who has has more smarts then all the big wig office, three piece suit chair filler types combined. He is a deep thinker who absorbs info like a sponge and very little of it leaks out. He has forgotten more information then most people learn in a lifetime. Just this morning lying in bed I mentioned the Bermuda Triangle and he proceeded to dispell all my myths and tell me all the facts as he believed them. I was in awe but all I recall from the conversation is water, bubbles, porous. I simply cannot retain the information as he does. I absolutely loved history in school but have retained very little of it. Haley was giving us a quiz last light and asked in what year did Paris gift the statue of liberty to New York and Kirk correctly answered 1876. I don’t recall ever knowing that. I am quite obviously not smarter then my daughter the third grader.
Typing this I am wondering if that is a contributing factor to Kirks stress because his head is so full!! Hmmm food for thought. Speaking of food, mine is almost ready.
Before I sign off am going to share with you a little challenge I started with the urging of my longtime friend Sandra. It is a project (Orange Rhino) to try to give up yelling and learning to get your point across in a much better way. My 13 year old is a yeller and I have to yell over her. It gets us nowhere. I have gotten through last night and today. Morgan and Kirk both tried me. Haley said she was proud that I didn’t yell at sissy when she had a meltdown. Yay, almost through day one!! Join me in the challenge and I will share updates on my progress on here. The goal is to reach 365 days yelling free. Did I mention I am purchasing shares in wine!! LOl. Also follow my friend Sandra on her blog for updates and so many fun tips and tricks for busy Moms at www.mylittleboyblue.com
Kirk is home for Easter for the first time in FIVE years. Do you think I can get through the weekend YELL free?? Wish me luck 😉
I am also sharing this for you because I like it. Much to my dismay Kirk makes me listen to country but I like this “feel good” good ol boy song and it reminds me of our younger days in NS driving down the dirt roads.