I was pretty certain Kirk was crazy about me but he would always ask me if I had heard the Jennifer Paige song “Crush” It was a popular song for the moment and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to tell me he had a “Crush” or that it was “Just a Crush” according to the words of the song or that he just simply liked the song. He hadn’t got around to making his big move yet so there was still room for a bit of uncertainty.

We went with my brother and mutual friends to Keddy’s one night and played Shuffle board. I had never played Shuffle board before but I had a great time and lots of laughs were shared. At the end of the night we were taking a cab to my house to watch a movie and Aerosmith’s “I don’t wanna miss a thing” came on the radio. Kirk took the opportunity then to make his life altering move. He reached for my hand and held it so sweetly and with Stephen Tyler crooning in the background he looked me right in the eye and said “I could stay lost in this moment forever” True Story. It was our wedding song!

Our first kiss was horrible. We were like birds pecking. I remember thinking to myself “Really???” It was nerves and once they wore off I have a much different story to tell 😉

Kirk and I became inseparable. The next night we spent the entire night sitting on my living room floor playing music and spilling our guts. The night turned into the day and we had laughed and cried and sang recycled rock songs at the top of our lungs. We started out with full disclosure. He knew my deep dark secrets, I knew his. We never put up any walls to hide behind and it felt good and real. Over the years I always thought Kirk put me on this pedestal that I couldn’t live up to. He still does see so much more in me then I am ever capable of seeing in myself. Wouldn’t it be great if we could look in a mirror and see ourselves through the eyes of the person who truly loves us.

The next night Kirk took me to the city. We had a nice dinner, hung out with friends and danced till dawn! Famished we stood in a huge line up at the Apple Barrel for a table in the wee hours of that Halifax morning. We met a really fun couple in line and became fast friends. We got a table first so we asked our new friends to sit with us. We thought that they were married, and well they were…just not to each other. Turns out he was in the city on business and her husband was away on business. There was a whole lot of business going on! Funny business. Ugh.

We had fun times and a huge affection for each other. Things escalated really quickly. I still chuckle when I think of when I first moved in with Kirk. I was getting ready for work one morning and he was on his way to work and tried to give me spending money. I said I didn’t need any money and he said he thought I might need lunch money or cab money. Haha I had a job! I had my own money. It was sweet I guess but I had been on my own since I was seventeen, I never depended on anyone for lunch money!

Happiness is a form of courage. I am writing this blog because that is one of the single most valuable pieces of information that I have ever received.  I used to be a “pleaser” I wanted to make sure everyone else was happy but never stopped to think about myself, I thought this was called selflessness but it is really called stupid. If anything was made to be shared it is happiness, but how you can share it if you don’t have any yourself. All the happiness you ever care to find lies within yourself. To claim it you must accept and love yourself. It may sound like a bunch of hot air but it is true. We put a great deal of pressure on our relationships because we expect our partners to make us happy and when we are not happy we are placing the blame on all sorts of things, our spouse, your children, the weather…When you blame someone or something else for your unhappiness, you are abdicating your responsibility for your emotional well-being.  If someone isn’t doing something you like or think they should do by all means have a conversation with them and express your concerns but do not allow the outcome to determine how you feel. Happiness is an inside job . You are responsible for how you think and feel so no matter how anyone else chooses to live their life you get to live yours. Live Large I say!

Anyways I wish I had known this many years ago but I didn’t.

Kirk and I both wanted children badly and we took baby making pretty seriously.  We probably trained more hours a day then most Olympic athletes. lol. It wasn’t long before Morgan was on her way. We certainly did things  little backwards baby first, marriage later. I won’t even begin to explain the logic behind that because though I wouldn’t change a thing I am not about to recommend it. I have been known to waiver on whether I am a fan of marriage or not, mostly because  almost all the weddings I have attended have ended in divorce. I am a fan of marriage, what I am not always a fan of is weddings.  I have seen so many people get caught up in the stress of planning a wedding that they forget what it is really about, a marriage. If the purple flowers your ordered for your wedding show up yellow is this cause for total devastation. No. What that is, is a great story for your grandchildren. Your wedding is for you and should be about you. I have seen sweet and simple girls fall to pieces trying to plan huge weddings and I just don’t understand why. Nobody really cares about the centerpieces, they want a bride, a groom, good food and a dance floor. The number one thing that stands out to me about my wedding is standing at the end of the aisle and just wanting to take my shoes off and run to Kirk. In that moment I knew that we would always be together, even though circumstances  would make me question it several times over the years, standing there at the end of that rose pedaled aisle I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.

Maybe it was more then Crush

To be continued of course….